ntahla..haisyh~

Wake up at 4am..have done nothing since 4am..
lapar..lapar..lapar..
rasa cam nk ajak ija kuar bfast la pagi2 ni..

smalam was a day...
coz in the evening, me, ct nad and wan kd joined 'special teaching' by Dr Hasnur, who was very kind to do class with us plus other students (put, hana, izatul, farah, taan,yuyu, izzati, paan, nizam,lihin etc)
we did short case with Dr Hasnur..
MS, SLE, hepatitis and ophthalmoplegia..

then the 3 of us went to do our short case..tp disebabkan at that time dh ramai visitors, so we just observe apa yg patut..

tapi hati ni terasa..
pilu dan sayu..
we went to renal cubicle in 8B..
and we saw a pakcik there...
bayangkn, he is a Chronic Renal Dz pt, tgh sakit2 but he still can smile when we came around just to observe him...
trima kasih pakcik..mulia sgt hati pakcik..

hmmm..sometimes i just wonder...
can i go on with all these...
to see sick people, day in and day out..
it is sooooo depressing..
especially for me...
sedih sgt2 tgk mereka...
hari2 terlantar di wad..
even though they dont complaint anything, but i can clearly see the pain, the sickness, yg mereka tanggung...
tp masih mampu nak layan karenah medical students like me...

sgt2 terasa sedih watching those pakcik...
i dont know why, but it affects me deeply...
sbb penyakit buah pinggang ni, usually has no symptoms, except cam rasa letih, lemah2 badan, tak larat, and most of them attribute these to their old age..
sedih sgt when most will come at late stage, even ada one of my pt, ingat lg that pakcik, he came at the end stage..(ESRF) sedih..
and they do not know this until it is too late....
hmm..i wish that people will have more pendedahan tentang masalah buah pinggang ni..
uhu..

it is preventable kan..?
at least, if one has develop renal dz but hs been detected earlier,
we can stll delay the progress to end stage renal failure...
and they can have better life, to spend with family... (as i said before, all these pakciks and  makciks are supposed to be at home, around with anak2 and cucu2...and should have more time, and kesempatan utk beramal ibadah...)

entah la...
pagi2 macam ni, terpikir benda2 yg takde kaitan ngan PRO exam..
haish...
i wonder will i be able to endure all these feelings...
rasa cam nak nangis seeing all these pakciks, makciks...
saya rasa cam tak sanggup..
huhu..
tapi kalau bukan saya dan kawan2 saya (we are going for our PRO exam in few weeks time..huu), siapa lagi..
we are supposed to be the 'next-generation' doctors..kan...?

as what dr hasmawati, a neonatologist from hosp raja perempuan zainab said during our class few days back,
being a doctor is fardhu kifayah..

so, as we are already in this field, we hv to do it with all our might...
kena wat yg terbaik...
kena jd yg terbaik...

at least if not the best among the others, be the best for our patients...

so, wada, kena belajar dgn lebih tekun..
kena semangat..
kena kuat....