Renovate Umah:preparation Phase-survey 1

Arini saya off day.. Yeay!! Setelah penat menjadi doktor+misi+ppk+mlt selama seminggu di nursery hospital mlaka.. Knapa bnyk sgt joblist tu...? Haha.. Kalau ada perasaan nye,akan saya ceritakan.. Kalau x...biarla ia menjadi kenangan pahit dlm kehidupan seorg houseman seperti saya..haha So arini... Of course la kluar jalan2 dgn family tersayang.. Weeee.. Selepas ambil si kecil dpd tadika (my little bby sister is in form 5..tp disebabkan dia yg bongsu,everytime she goes to her tuition class, saya akan kata dia pi tadika..hee) Kami pi mitc home and furniture fair... Weee.. Mmg berbaloi2.. Memandangkan mama n abah akan pndah semul ke dpp (desa pinggiran putra) selepas bby abis spm, Jadinye... Kami pi la fair tu nk survey2 harga brg.. And.... Kami berjaya tempah a few items yg rasa nye berbaloi sgt.. 1)pintu and grill yg sgt cantik.. Mmg uncle yg jual.ni sgt baik.. Just bg deposit..nnt dia akan dtg wat pemasangan kat umah.. Grill and pintu ni adalah sgt2 best..stainless steel dua2 nye..mmg solid molid la u allz..plus,aspect keselamatan yg sguh meyakinkan.. Kalau anyone nk renovate rumah, tercari2 pintu n grill yg best, saya syorkan cari pd uncle ni, Mr Poo Ah Bing..bisnes mreka terletak kat batu pahat..tp diaorg dh slalu pasang grill kat seluruh malaysia.. Weee... 2) toilet items.. Harga semuanya ialah after 50% discount..haaa..terlopong mulut saya di kala melihat harga nye lebih kurang sama dgn products yg xde jenama..oh lupa nk ckp..ini ialah johnson suisse..hehe..ada life time guarranty lagi.. Disebabkan ktaorg mmg dh survey harga pasaran, so, terus aje booking utk 2 sinki+ 2sitting washdown toilet bowl..plus dpt 2 water tap yg each bharga rm170+.. Seronok! !! 3) yg ni lupa amik gmbar..also dpt booking hood sedut asap kat kitchen tu plus dapur memasak tu (jenama cornell) pd harga rm 1399..dpt coffee maker foc..mmg la saya ni coffee-addict..bila dpt coffee maker,lagila..bagai org mengantok disorong bantal empuk..haha Makanye.. Hunting hari ni..Berjaya!!! Disebabkan dh penat jalan2.. Kami pi mkn kfc...maka goodbye la for my diet utk hari ni...haha.cmne nak kuruskan klau asyik xikut diet program yg disarankan..ngahaha.. Wada oh wada.. Sila la fokus.. Kena kurus asap!! Haha

nursery misery~

Long since i last wrote here..
Hmmm
Agak penat lagi capek di nursery..
Mmg kerja nye simple aje...
Tp....
Huuuuuuu
There r soooooo many babies!!!!
And they all look the same...
The perfect description for each one of them -
Kecik...berbau susu...and most importantly, can only cry and cry and cry....
Huaaaaaa..

Bayangkan semalam malam xdpt rehat langsung sebab mcm SEMUA baby kat level 2 cot/incubator punya branula samaada dislodged or leaking or swollen....
And mereka semua adalah baby premature yg weight nye cuma 1kg+ aje...

Plus morning blood yg byk..
Mmg berpusing bijik mata la jawab nye...

Haisyh..

As a conclusion...
I cant handle baby well..
They (babies) either make me want to kiss them sooo much sbb bau baby yg cedap ciyum, or rasa nk gigit mereka sbb pipi yg tembam,or rasa nak marah mereka sbb mereka terlalu kecik.sampai susah nk pasang branula or make me feel.like.crying coz i hav to poke them.soooo many times to insert ONE branula/ or take.their blood..
Sian diaorg...vein sampai dh hancur sbb asyik.kena amik.darah..
Haisyh...
Babies!!! Sihat la cepat..supaya i dont have to handle u allz..
Haha..

Maka nye,jelas la yg i cant be a paediatrician..
Haha..
Well said kan..?

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Esok keja lagi...
Sgt la malas nye..
Otak pikir nk shopping aje ni..
Haisyh..
Tp....
Jeng jeng jeng..

Td call mijah..
Rindu nk karok n tgk wayang ngan dia..
Mijah ckp... Jutt dh nk kawin..
Yeay..
Akan ada reunion antara kesayangans la nmpaknye nnt..

Seronok melompat2..
Xsabar nk jumpa semua org..
Yeay!!

Dan....
Xsabar nk melaksanakn mission saya..
Haha..
Apa mission nye..?

Itu rahsia..
Kalau berjaya,nnt i bgtau u k :p

P/s:kena start cari baju utk g wedding jut nnt..mau sedondon dgn kesayangans yg diketuai oleh Put ;)

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old school rocks..

Terserempak dgn kreta ni masa on da way g kerja td..
Wow..
Still bole jalan dgn kelajuan yg memberangsangkan..
Amazing ;)

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mixed feeling..

Haha
Benda ni mmg sgt la bodoh..
Benda kecik yg ntah pape..
Tp saya xtau kenapa rasa xbest...
Adakah saya seorg pen-jealous yg teramat..?
Walhal bukan pasal org pn....
Tp pasal kereta....
Kereta saya...
Haha...

Apa perasaan kalau tiba2 si handsome-kesayangan (kereta tau..ehem..bukan org..sbb saya mana ada lelaki utk digelar si-handsome-kesayangan..) jd profile pic someone else. ..?
Hmmmm.

Mungkin anda rasa bangga..or gembira..or happy...sbb org lain suka sgt2 dgn kreta anda sampai amik gamba berposing dgn kreta anda dan dijadikan profile pic org tu......

Yela..
Mungkin  kreta anda gah dan hebat..sampai org lain teringin nk bgambar dgn kreta anda..
Mungkin org tu nk jd kan tu sumber inspirasi utk dia lebih berusaha dlm hidup..

Tp..
Saya..?
Huuuuuuuu..
Saya xsuka..
Kreta saya biasa-biasa aje...

Uhu..
Tu buah hati saya..
Nape ada org lain nk jd kn profile pic dgn buah hati saya...

And ari2 ternampak pic tu..
And ati rasa nak jerit kuat2..
Tu kesayangan saya!!!

Hmmmm.
At least padamkan la the plate number..
So..
Org xtau...

Tp mcm ni..
Dh la saya xtau pn bila masa amik pic tu..
Tiba2....

Hmmm.
Saya ni bukan la kedekut..
Tp atleast say sumting la..
Tu kesayangan saya..

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....

P/s: ni baru kereta..dh rasa nk nangis..
Kalau boipren...??? Hahaha...

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mandrem kot????

di kala terpandang sekeping gambar yg ada dia di situ..
walaupun dia cuma di tepi dan sgt la off frame..

Tp susuk nya yg berdiri di situ membuat kan aku kembali 'hilang'..

Dah lama xrasa palpitation sebegini..
Seolah nya dia ada di depan sini..

Ntah la..
Apa mandrem yg saya dh terkena..
Mcm org 'bijak' dibuatnya..

Walaupun tiada dia di sini,terasa seolah xmampu nk melepaskan dia dan meneruskan kehidupan...
Seolah susah nk bernafas..
Xdpt tido di kala malam..

The same symptoms that i have been having for years now,disebabkan dia seorg...
Haisyh..

Mmg tak de penawar nya la..

Kecuali di keluarkan hati ni..
atau dipisahkan minda dan jiwa raga ku ini..

Padah sekeping gambar yg ada dia di kalangan rakan2 yg lain membuatkan ku xkeruan sebegini...

Mmg bodoh benar diriku ini..
Dia hidup bahagia sedangkan aku ter-mandrem di sini~

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still~

Melalui hari2 di nursery mmg membuatkan kurasa letih..
Ntah kenapa..
Kawan2 HO best2 blaka..
MO n specialists pn ok je..
Tp..
Still rasa penat..
Ntah apa yg penat..
Stiap ari terasa seolah nya memaksa diri utk bkerja..
Ntah mana pergi smua keikhlasan utk bkhidmat..

Ntah la..
Asyik merungut itu ini..
Seolah xbsyukur..
Ntahla..
Seolah nya ati ni xde kebaikan..
Perlu lari dpd smua kesesakan ini...

Banyak sgt baby dgn para ibubapa yg asyik btanyakan itu ini...
Ntahla..
Makin ari ati makin tawar..

Perlu cari smula smua semangat di kala mula2 aku bcita2 mahu jd seorg doktor...

Perlu letakkan smula senyum ikhlas di wajah ku...
Perlu hapuskan smua kepura2an..
Di hati.di jiwa..di minda...
Di stiap benak rasa....

P/s: stakat ni, Teman Pengganti masih mnjdi my favourite song..ntah kenapa..

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Jika seperti yg dikatakan dlm gambar tu...
Apa lagi...
Menyanyi lagu Mojo 'Andai ku bercinta lagi' la spjg masa..
Hahaha

Apa2 aje la..
Kalau ada jodoh..ada la..
Kalau xde..apa lg bole dibuat..
Dh ckup usaha dh kn...

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denial..

Denial...
Working in nursery for the past +/- 3weeks telah mengajar saya a few things...
One of them is.....

The easiest way utk berdepan dgn kebenaran adalah dgn being in denial...

Yup..
I see that in parents..
Those who r supposed to take care of the babies but yet, still living in denial...

Case 1.....

Baby born prematurely...
And clinically Patau syndrome...
The 1st baby of the couple...
Yet..
The mother only comes to visit the baby twice throughout these 1 month of his life...for just a few minutes..

And the mom only look at the baby..
Xdipeluk..xdiangkat...xdicium...

Yes..he can deteriorate at anytime..
Yes his prognosis is poor..
Yes he can 'go' at any time..
And yet,the parents, knowing all these..
Still living in denial...

Masa specialist explained about the baby condition,
The father said, "istri saya lemah semangat..dia rasa dia xdpt nk jaga baby tu.."
The mother said that dia 'takut' dgn keadaan baby tu...
Huh..?
Takut...?
As in u r afraid of his fragility..?
or u r afraid of his differences..?
coz he's not.like.other cute.little.babies....kan?

Hari2 di kala saya review the baby i will always say to him -
Bersabar ya sayang..

Coz he deserves that..

He is a fighter...
Jantung nye yang ada PDA,VSD and  ?ASD itu masih kuat berdenyut sehari-hari menanti kedatangan ayahbonda nya utk merasa kasih sayang mereka...

Smoga ayahbondanya bakal mencurahkan hati mereka pdnya..

Case 2-

A baby born to a couple aged 27 y/o mother and 32 y/o father...
Has cleft lip and palate..
And clinically down syndrome...

When the father was being told of the baby condition..
The father was angry..nada suara nya meninggi...
Dan berkata, "kenapa doktor ckp mcmtu..?"

Hmmmm..
Ntahla..

Kadang tu sukar hidup dgn kebenaran..
Dan menafikan kebenaran adalah lebih mudah berbanding menerimanya...

Semua ni mmg byk.memberi pengajaran pdku...

Setiap manusia diuji.dgn.cara berbeza..
Tanda sayang Yang Maha Esa pd kita...

Semoga kta semua tabah menempuhi smua cabaran dan dugaan kehidupan..

Dan..
Kena hidup dlm kebenaran...
Not in denial...

P/s: the above stories were written last night masa saya balik.keja..xdpt tido so i wrote those tp xsempat nk publish..tulis dlm kul 2am..
And sadly to say..the baby in my 1st story dah pulang ke pangkuan yg Maha Esa arini pukul 1.45pm..
I was quite bz today..so after solat zohor lebih kurang kul 2pm,i went to jenguk him at his isolation room...he was not there..i asked my HO frenz and they told me, he just passed away..alone..his body was still there..alone...
But,at least now we know he is happy in Jannah :)
Al-fatihah...

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haha

Tapi saya pun suka crita kartun.. Doraemon!!!!

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Di kala seperti ini....
Ntah apa yg kurasa..
Ia benar..
Aku memiliki hampir kesemuanya..
Alhamdulillah...
Mama.abah.adik2..semuanya sgt menyanyangi ku..membahagiakan ku..
Kerja..?alhamdulillah..bole bekerja dgn baik stakat ni..
Kawan2..?semua nye menyenangkan ku..terutama nye my kesayangans..walaupun jauh terpisah.tp sntiasa kekal di hati ni.selalu..
Harta..?mmg belum ada tp akan diusahakan jika kumampu..

And i am coping well with melaka hospital..for the time being..

But trying to look into the future..?
What can i see..?

Dont know..

Dont want to be alone in this life.ever..
I cant cope well dgn kesunyian dan hidup bersendirian..really..couldnt...

Dan
Terasa hopeless di sini.
Xtau apa yg diharapkan..
Ntahla..

Kadang bila dibincangkan soal masa depan...
Perlukah ditanya pd ku seandainya dirinya mampu membuat keputusan sendiri...?
Perlukah dia bentangkan semua pilihan yg dia mahukan dan bertanya kan pd ku...?
Kalau masa depan bukan denganku, perlukah memberi pendapat ttg masa depanku...?

Dan..
Mungkin aku yg ter-over analyzing things...
Or maybe dia yg talking in different wavelength from what i can understand....

Ntahla...
Doakan yg terbaik ya..
Utk ku..dan utk dia...

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