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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

syomel kn

haisyh
saya asyik terkenang kecomelan org
parah parah..

aritu time locum..
he remembered that i had my locum that day..
walaupn i told him a week earlier..
mula2 ingat nk pass kn kertas locum tu pd biha.comel..
tp dsebabkan dia dgn baik atinye nk tlg antakan (plus teman aku makan bfor aku balik ptrajaya)
haha..

then when i am at home..
he ajak to join laser war sumting la kat puchong..
luckily dia xjd dtg ke mari..kalau x..sure aku pegi keluar join the laser war punya..
haha..
sengal sungguh aku!!

and today..
as what he likes to do la..
he is working in fever center and send me pic kerja dia di sana..
haha..

thanks la ya sbb bagi kta terhibur slalu.

thanks a lot for all ur kecomelan..

haisyh..
once u already hv a girlfren, sape la pulak nk hiburkan kta dgn kecomelan sebegitu...

haha

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Monday, October 28, 2013

saya terfikir

kadang2 susah jadi anak sulung..
especially anak sulung kepada smua adik beradik perempuan..
and more specifically..
at my age and having no calon at all..

my sis has been having her calon.
at has been planning to get married dpd aritu..byk bnda yg menghalang..
and i feel like i am the main reason la..

hmm.
kadang terasa mcm jadi penghalang hubungan mereka..
yelah..
kakak sulung still tak kawen..
akan jadi buah mulut smua org especially keluarga sndiri..
tp..
apa lagi yg bole saya lakukan..
saya betul2 dah patah hati pd lelaki..
sgt patah hati..

mmg org ckp..doa dan terus berdoa..
if only they know how much i have been berdoa all this while..

tapi..
saya juga manusia yg punya hati..
dan bila hati saya telah hancur luluh..mmg saya tak nafikan..saya terus berdoa..
tp saya dpt rasakan sudah tiada harapan.
dan perasaan berputus asa mmg dh hinggap dlm jiwa ni..
benar..

jodoh ptemuan dlm tangan Allah..

tp..
saya dh tak larat menangis sndirian mengenangkan nasib saya.
i am not ungrateful..
saya sgt bersyukur dgn smua nya yg berlaku dlm hidup saya..

tp..
terus terang saya katakan..
saya dh patah hati..
putus asa....

org xkan mungkin faham apa yg saya rasa..
no body can and no bdy will..

tp..
itulah yg saya rasa..

tak semestinya saya selalu tersenyum bermakna saya xkisah..
saya kisah..
tp dah tak larat nk kisah..
dh putus asa..
dah patah hati...

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jadual oncall yg horr..

i know i shouldnt complain
apalah sgt oncall 2 kali sebulan..
but..
it is soooo unfair if those oncalls are those from other "hosp" instead of the doctors of the hosp that i am currently in..
though i have voice out about this..
but..what to do..
terima dgn redha aje la..
dah la my oncalls are on weekend..
huu

ikhlaskan diri kerja..
ikhlaskan diri :(

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Sunday, October 27, 2013

separuh arini..

bangun pagi ni.
mandi2  then keluar breakfast dgn d whole family..ija je yg xde coz she is in kuantan..
sian ija..
mula ingat nk mkn kat kedai2 uniten tu..tp belum bukak..
so..
pegi la makan kat roti canai bukit..
hehe..

then.
ajak mama abah gi pesta konvo upm..
best jenjalan kat situ..
xbeli pape sgt pun..
baby beli tudung2 adijuma yg murah di situ..haha 
abah lak beli pokok limau..
me..?beli air aje la sbb haussss jenjalan di tgh panas..

so abis jenjalan..
balik umah...
rehat2 and now. nak ajak adik n baby kluar g d mines tgk fon n kasut..
hehe

p/s..tu je la pics yg kta amik..sbb jakun tgk ayam and sbb saya suka rabbit..hehehe

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kisah seram di siang hari

ni kisah ari jumaat 25/10/2013

i was working in my ward..
ward onco di HKL..
it is in d morning..pukul 9pagi..
selepas abis morning round..
saya pun dduk utk siap kan smua perihal discharge patients saya..

saya baru lepas chop2 all d new blood results of d patients..
and i started writing my discharge summary..
so selepas siap my discharge summary, i wanted to sign it..
cari2 chop tp xjmpa..
tanya akak staff nurse yg kebetulan dpd td dduk sebelah saya..she also cant find it..
so i ask d other MO in my ward,punitha 
she also cant find it..

huu.
maka kami bertiga mncari2 di kaunter tu..
ke mana pulak ilang chop tu..sbb saya tak bgn lgsg dpd krusi tu dpd td..

huuuu.
then i go and find my bag..and suprisingly..chop saya dlm tu..
huu.
cmne bole ada dlm bag kalau dpd td lepas chop2 all d lab results,saya mmg dduk.je kat krusi tu xpegi mana2..

akak staff nurse tu ckp,
"doktor..kat sini mmg 'ada' yg suka gurau2..suka sorok2 barang.."
and the ward sister also ckp.bnda yang sama..
and kebetulan..pagi tu..mmg j found a new pen (pen biasa je la..yg seringgit lebih tu)  yg masih ada tag harga,yg bukan milik saya inside my bag..
at first i thought,
"eh..bila masa aku curi pen org ni..?"
and i took out d pen n put it on d desk..
tetiba chop saya yg ilang tiba2..berada dlm my bag pulak...

'benda' tu suka bag saya ke..? :p

and..  d same story happen to MO ward sebelah..
hari yg sama..
around pukul 11..
dia tgh ikut specialist round..from one patient to another 
mula2 dia dh guna her chop on one patient's folder..
so as d speciaist go and see anothe patient,she also follow..bila dia nk guna chop dia...xjumpa..
dia cari2 d whole ward together with another MO and staff nurse..

and guess what..
at last dia jumpa chop dia kat kaunter meja ward saya..

hmmm.
main sorok2 chop nmpak nye 'benda' tu..
huuu

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the same dream..again

lately..
saya sering dihantui mimpi yg sama..
mmg benar..
mimpi hanya mainan tido..
tp..
kalau asyik dpt mimpi yg sama..
penat la jiwa raga..

oh ya..
i havent been thinking of him lately.
mmg dh xingat dh..
cuma when his name pop-up bila dia respond kat whatsapp ten batch iium je

tp asyik aje termimpi kan dia..

and mimpi nye..
seperti biasa..
dia kawen..
tp each n everytime..
dia akan kawen dgn org yg berbeza..
but for sure..d bride mmg cantik...

mmg dh xamik pusing dh..
biar la..
kalau dia nk.kawen..
let him kawen..
mgkn itu jodoh dia..
tp..
bila ari2 mimpi yg sama..
kdg2 tertanya2..
knapa saya asyik.mimpi dia padahal saya xpikir kn dia lgsg dh..
petunjuk ke..?
so that ill be prepared..?
tak kot..

ntah la..
i really as accept the fact that he think of me as a friend.
and of course la he has no guts to say so..
biar la..

and i havent been a stupid girl calling and messaging and calling him each and everytime like i use to..

i think i am accepting it.

so kepada kamu..
tahniah kalau kamu nk kawen.
smoga kamu bahagia.

p/s: rakan2 10th batch..i dont have anyting to do with him..dia xsuka kita lgsg la..kta mntak sgt2 plz jgn kaitkan kta dgn dia lagi..yes,i used to like him before this tapi kalau org dh tak suka,what can i do..? so pleasa pleasa please..stop mentioning and relating me to him..
kta mntak sgt2 :(

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bukan sengaja..

yesterday
i went to mlaka
do locum..
give my previous locum claim..
and went back..

why i didnt tell my other frenz  ?
coz saya dah lgsg xde duit..
huuu
bukan sengaja balik mlaka xbgtau..
no..
plus.
sebelum ni i have janji to buy cake for them all..
but  ....

i truely really dah xde duit..
and why is that..?
coz i am working in KL with the duit minyak RM50 for 2days...
tokey emas pun bole botak kpala..
apatah lagi aku yg biasa ini...

itu xmasuk lg duit tol which cost me around rm3 per day..

let me do the maths..

sebulan ada 30hari..
tolak 4minggu punya sabtu ahad..
30-(2x4)=22

so..
22hari..
duit minyak nye ialah rm 550
duit tol nye ialah r66..

huuuu..
sblm ni duit mnyak masa kerja kat mlaka seminggu rm50..
skrg..?
berganda2...

abd i truely kekopakan becoz of that..

to my dearest frenz  
i am sooooo truely sorry..
i am.
i really do..

segan la to say MO has to do locum just for duit mnyak utk kerja sebetul nya...
tp...
that is what happening to me..

maaf sgt..

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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

arini birthday Ija.. ;)

today
23/10..
birthday of my 3rd sis..

we r all four girls in the Adam's family..
i am d first thus i am the,ehem, youngest of them all..
haha

and ija is the one a bit older than me..

hahaha..
ija tua dpd kakyu 4thn.kan..? :p

she is the most 'perempuan melayu terakhir' among d four of us..
sbb dia sgt la sopan dan baik dan sgt la islamik..
hihi..
dia x gelak2 kuat2 cam,ehem, kakak2 dia..
dia xberpeleseran mahupun berpacaran mcm,ehem, kakak2 dia..
eh jap..kakyu takde pacar so..kakyu not included dlm category ni :p
dia rajin join usrah n ceramah n slalu mengaji..xmacam,ehem..kakak2 dia..

haisyh..
byknye la kekurangan kakak2 dia ni :p

anyway..
happy birthday ija..
smoga pjg umur.murah rezeki
smoga ija lulus smua pperiksaan2 ija n smoga ija jadi doktor yg baik
utk smua patient ija nanti..
smoga ija jmpa lelaki ensem yg beriman dan beramal soleh lantas bole dijadikan suami utk kakyu..oppss.silap..utk ija..
hehehehe

thanks a lot ija slalu blanja kakyu makan
thanks a lot juga for being urself
at least ada la anak mama abah yg sopan dan beradab mulia dan solehah..

kalau nk harap akak yg sengal ni..mmg tidak ler..mata asyik melilau tengok lelaki ensem..camne la nk jd solehah...hehehe

Happy Birthday.
love u always :*

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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

takde hati nak kerja

setiap ari
mmg asyik drag je diri utk gi kerja
bangun pagi kena paksa diri
nak gi kerja lagi la kena betul2 paksa diri..
xde hati lgsg nk kerja..
lgsg xde hati..

bila ckp pd mama..
pd adik...
mama ngan adik xpahamm

jawapan mama..
"kerja je kak...dah diberi awak kerja tu...kerja je la..."
kdg2 tu..
"bukan diaorg mntak penyakot kanser tu..akak kerja aje la.."

huuuu.
but what they dont understand is...
i have no passion at all upon my job..
i dont like onco..at all..

i dont like meeting the same patient each and everytime..and knowing how unfortunate the future will be for them,despite d treatment given..
i dont like onco
i really dont like onco..
it is not becoz of d patients..
no...
but..i have no interest at all in oncology..
nothing..
and smua org xpaham tu...
people may think that i am picky and choosy and plz add on my ungratefulness together with my asyik2 nk complaint itu ini..

it is not that..
it is just i dont feel happy working now..
it almost come to the point where i am starting to hate my job..
i dont know why..
rasa nye sbb saya lgsg xde passion dlm melaksanakan tugas2 saya..jd smua kerja yg saya lakukan adalah di dalam.keterpaksaan...

and me being.myself..
i hate being forced 
and i hate myself sbb memaksa diri buat kerja yg lgsg saya xsuka..

i dont hv any interest in my current posting..
i have no passion for onco..
and i really hate myself for that..

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day by day
kena mula terima yg saya dh kerja di KL..
day by day..
seronok sbb dduk ngan family..
but i do miss all my frenz..a lot!!

ari ahad aritu..
baru la sempat jenjalan sikit kat ptrajaya ni..
best!
rasa cam org kaya pulak..
hohoho (nada gelak org kaya)

so..
ni la gamba nye..
ada gamba dakdik je sorg..
sbb dia je yg suka nk amik gamba..
haha

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Monday, October 21, 2013

rasa nye cam i am a bit busybody kot :p

i just want to write this down..
why..?
sbb rasa cam..oh,comel nye..

smlm..
i know that he went to KL..
and before i went to sleep at night, i just text him and asked..
'dah smpai umah..?'

cam bz body kan..?
haha..
i do feel so..

but when dia reply..
lgsg xsangka..
haha.
ingatkn dia rasa saya ni cam menyibuk..
tanya dia dh balik ke belum..
haha..coz i feel like that.cam menyibuk je..
tp..i do like to be menyibuk..
hahaha

'just reach mlaka..
belum smpai umah..'

and i just rply..'oh.ok.tc'

then out of nowhere,
' thank u wada..'

i was like..?
eh..kta jadi busybody pun dia ckp thanks...?
bukan patutnye ckp..jgn menyibuk sgt bole..?haha :p

'coz ada org takecare about me..'

haha..
oh la kamu..
saje je kan ckp camtu kat kita.. :p

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Saturday, October 19, 2013

HB

smlm was Friday
and as usual..
friday means balik umah akan amik masa lebih 3jam..
coz traffic jammmmm yg sgt horror..
so smlm sampai umah dh lewat..
then klua makan with mama n adik2..
balik umah dh dkat pukul 11..
i was waiting for 12midnite to strike d clock..
tp..tertido sbb ngantok n penat sgt..

around 1145pm terjaga sbb alarm berbunyi..
tp sbb ngantok sgt.i just turn off d alarm n sambung tido smula..

oh.
bila bangun pagi..
terus teringat..
alamak..
arini 19th oct..
patut la alarm bnyi kul 1145pm smlm..
reminder rupanye..
opppss.

sorry.
bukan sengaja kta xwish awal..

happy birthday to d one yg bday nye today..
thanks sbb slalu jd tmpat kta membebel2..
thanks sbb slalu temankan kta..
thanks sbb slalu wat kta rasa happy di kala kta sedih yg teramat..

may u get all that u want in this life
may u get all d happiness in d world
smoga cepat2 kaya n bole slalu blanja kta mkan..
haha.

and paling penting..
smoga stay macho n gentleman as u r now..
haha.

p/s.: rasa bersalah lak sbb dh byk kali he subtlely remind of d date..stiap kali nmpak nmber 19 or yg berkaitan ngan 1-9.. what to do..kta kan mmg slalu ngantok :p

p/s 2: bila dh wish happy birthday..dia tnya..balik mlaka x..?
opss..sorry.kta xde duit la nk balik mlaka slalu2 sgt..haha

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plz stop this stupidity!!

it was someone's that we know punya wedding..
i was with a friend that he doesnt know..
he came with amin..
and we all sat at the same table..
mula2 mmg aku xperasan kan dia..
then he came to me..
try to talk to me..as what he
used to do..

aku bangun..pergi amik.mknn..tinggalkan dia terpinga2..
tp dia xputus asa..
he walked towards me...
and buat gaya selamba..
and talk and talk and talk..
i just cant ignore him.
aku pun termakan umpan..
mula2 ingatkan nk biarkan aje dia ckp sorg2..biar dia nmpak cm org giler...
but i just couldnt..
all my heart is with him..and he was there standing in front of me...
and we talk and laugh and talk somemore..
and he treated me so nicely..
sampai cair smula hati aku yg  keras cam batu ni...
and suddenly i woke up..
and all that was left is me and my heartache


. ..

how do u fix a broken heart..?
even a doctor cant treat her own heartache..
and all i feel is this heaviness and loneliness..
and its all coming back to me..

"tinggal aku terjatuh..
terseksa batinku..sudah tak sempurna.."


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Friday, October 18, 2013

a letter "C"

for me..
a small gesture means a lot..
and it is something that make me feel that my life is blessed..

benda ni mmg remeh.
but i feel so happy so i would like to write it down..
kalau rasa sgt merepek..xpayah baca ek. ngehehe..

my MCE 3399 baru je di-makeup kan a few weeks ago.
pasang bumper n spoiler..
plat nmber n casing baru..
and mmg dia ensem..
ehem..
even sang anak ikan pn ckp my MCE looks much better slps di-makeup kan..
haha..
bangga tau..

ok..
citer nye begini..
after few days...
plat nmber kat bahagian dpn krera ku itu..
kehilangan hurup "C" nye..
jd plat nmber nye ialah M_E 3399
and it has been for a week plus macam tu..sbb saya bz and asyik je byk bnda nk kena wat..xsempat lgsg nk g wat plat baru...
kalau polis tahan..tawakal aje la yg mampu ku lakukan..
haha

so..
td masa balik kerja..
disebabkan parking kat HKL sgt besar..
aku pn mencari2 la sang forte berplat M_E 3399
tp yg aku jmpa..
forte berplat MCE 3399.

eh..?
sjak bila ada smula urup "C" itu...?
tp aku terlompat gembira masa tu
ni mst abah yg betulkan ni..
sambil tersenyum...

sampai kat umah..
dh lewat ptg.masa abah nk g surau solat magrib..
aku pn tnya pd abah..
"abah..abah yg betulkan plat number ayu eh..?bila..?abah xckp pun.."
abah answered, "ha'ah. ari isnin aritu.."
he smiled..
and i also smiled.."thank u abah"

dh a few days baru aku perasan..
and dh a few days baru aku ucap trima kasih pd abah..

nmpak sgt ikhlas nya kasih syg seorg ayah..
mgkn nmpak kecik pd org lain..
but for me..rasa sgt bersyukur..
i didnt ask abah to fix the plat for me but he willingly do so..and he didnt tell me pun..
he didnt expect anything..not even a thanks..
coz he did that becoz of love..

thanks a lot abah..
i love u :)

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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

so typical!!

aku dpd kecik mmg asyik sakit ati dgn abg sepupu aku ni sorg!!
stiap kali jmpa..mst akan ada bnda yg dia ckp yg buat aku rasa sakit ati...

maybe sbb dia lelaki melayu yg dibesarkan dlm keadaan lelaki akan diserve sprti raja..
mgkn sbb dia dbesarkan dlm keadaan prempuan perlu layan lelaki...yg kedudukan prempuan cuma utk dduk di dapur!!

dulu aku pernah sakit ati giler dgn kata2 dia smpai aku boikot balik kg slama dkat stengah tahun...

kali ni
after years aku xjumpa dia (aku akan mengelak sedaya upaya utk jmpa dia) aku ingat dia dh berubah..
yela..
dh kawen..
anak nye dh besar2 kot..
yg sulung dh g.skolah dh pn..
tp.......
perangai dia tetap sama!!

kisah nye..
aku tgh basuh pinggan kat dapur makcik aku..
dia yg mula2 aku perasan..tgh dduk kat meja makan..tunggu adik aku prepare nk hidangkan sup gear box daging qorban...
so..
aku wat je kerja aku kat dapur..
then dia masuk dapur...
menghala ke sinki..
aku pun tanya dgn baik..
"nak basuh tgn eh..?"
tau x apa dia jawab..??

dgn nada sinis nye..
"takla..nak amik sudu..takkan la nak mkn sup guna tangan"

and dia ulang 2-3kali "huh..xkan la makan sup guna tangan.."

aku mcm....what??
bole je kan ko jawab elok2...nak amik sudu..fullstop..
knapa nk sinis2 bagai..?
xkan la aku nk serve ko bagai raja kot..
xkan la sudu pn xreti nk amik..
knapa..?
ko ckp cmtu sbb aku xletak sudu kat tmpat mkn ko la kan..
so what..?
at least aku dh hidangkan mknn dpn mata ko..
sudu tertinggal nk letak..apa salah nye ko amik..
kalau pn xmau amik,bole kan ckp elok2...
"ayu...ni xde sudu..TOLONG amikkn boleh.."
kan elok ckp cmtu..
ni tak..
nada mst mau sinis..
senyum pn nmpak sgt xikhlas...

tp..
do i care..?

p/s: tolong bgtau cmne la aku nk trust lelaki kalau most lelaki yg aku kenal mmg perangai cmni..?smua nk dilayan cm raja..and aku kena jd hamba dia ke..?

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Tuesday, October 8, 2013

saya dituduh!!

arini..kat whatsapp group 10th  batch..
mereka duk bincang pasal bz nye kerja di ed..
according to them,ada MA pn xmembantu..
aku yg dpd ed hosp mlaka ni..yg MA nye smua cekap2 dan rajin2,  mula la bersuara..
aku bgtau la..xsemua MA xbest..sbb MA kat ed hosp mlaka smua nye best2..
nak tau apa reaksi bebudak ni..?
jap aku copy n paste..

1) Wada ade special interest. Haha

2)wada <3 MA ?

3)happy benor wada dgn MA..

dh malas nk copy paste..penat!!
aiyoo bebudak ni..
sejak bila la aku ada scandal dgn MA..?
aku just nk bgtau..MA kat hosp mlaka best..tu je..
suka2 je nk wat spekulasi kat aku..
aku tau la aku ni xde org nak..yela..aku ni sape je..org biasa..xdeharta.xdenama.xderupa.xdeharta..

oh..tp for korg pnye pengetahuan..
kawan korg la yg dh buat kita brokn hearted..
and thanks to kawan korg yg hebat tu, sbb dh berjaya wat kta begini..
thanks a lot!!
standing ovation for him!!!!!

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walaupun saya MO..

tajuk mcm berlagak kan..? :p

apasal la nk wat tajuk cmtu..
haisyh..
yela..
walaupun saya seorg MO..
still..bila ada org demam n tanya whatelse can he do..i just cant answer...
hmmm.

ke sbb aku ni yg cam MO sengal..so aku xtau nk ckp apa lagi..

haha..

FBC rslt ok..
aku rasa just a viral fever picture la..

tp...
haisyh la..
apa lagi yg aku bole buat..
dh la aku kat ptrajaya ni..
kalau kat mlaka,aku bole je bagi MC..
haha.
nampak tak betapa best nye jd MO ni..?bole bg MC pd pt..mana2 pt yg aku suka...
haha
lalalala..

citer nye cam ni..
aku balik dpd mlaka smlm ptg..
aku mmg bz masa kat green wat locum smlm tu..
aku cuma terserempak masa dia nk masuk yellow zone n kebetulan aku nk panggil pt..

aku siap buat2 muka kat dpn microfon tu sbb rasa penat pt sgt ramai..
and as usual he will just laugh at me..
oh ya..
ada patient perasan yg aku duk buat2 muka and pt tu siap menoleh carik aku wat2 muka pd siapa..
haha..
mst dlm ati pt tu berkata, "ish doktor ni..senget ke apa..main2 mata dgn budak muda lak dia..ish ish ish..xsedar diri agak nye doktor ni..budak tu dh la muda..ensem lak tu..sesuka ati je doktor ni..."

sbb berdasarkan rupa pt tu setelah menoleh dan ternampak yg he was laughing at me seeing me there..aku rasa patient tu (perempuan) mst rasa annoyed tgk aku..
haha..

suka ati aku la kan..

then itu je la yg sempat aku hiburkan ati aku yg lara..

bz tgk pt
bz
bz
bz..

sampai shift dia abis..
aku dh xnmpak dia lg..

slalu bfor balik umah,dia akan dtg say gudbye to me..
tp kali ni...
lgsg xde..
aku pun "sob sob" la dlm ati..
uhu..mentang2 la aku dh jd MO tmpat lain..sombong dh skrg dia ek..

then i received his msg.
'balik pukul brapa..?
cari td xjumpa pn..
pegi bilik u xnmpk pn..'

haha
clarify sikit..
bilik tu ialah bilik doktor ya..
bukan bilik tido..
hahahaha

oh..rupanya dia ada dtg cari aku..
aku yg xde.
cit.dtg masa aku gi cari result darah pt yg pending dpd pagi...
mmg la xsesuai timing mamat ni sorg...

huuu.
apa kaitan ntah citer ni ngan tajuk post ni..?

haha.
aku pun dh kompius....

xkisah la...
memandangkan eye candy anne ialah bapak ikan..
aku punya eyecandy ialah anak ikan..
haha..
kami berdua mmg suka keturunan ikan :p

p/s: nnt kalau dh ingat apa kaitan tajuk ntry ni dgn crite yg aku nk sampai kan..aku wat entry baru ek...
haha

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Sunday, October 6, 2013

tapi hati siapa..?

terjumpa pic ni kat fb..
persoalannya ialah....

hati siapa yg harus ku minta...?

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Saturday, October 5, 2013

haisyh..

haisyh je la yg aku bole ckp..
knapa..?
ntah la..
kadang tu aku terasa dia sgt la comel...
tp..xkan la aku nk slalu bharap pada kecomelan dia tu utk aku happy kan.?

tp..
ntahla..
kadang2 tu aku rasa aku perlu kan dos kecomelan dia supaya aku bhenti dpd asyik menangiskan bnda yg tiada...

sampai skrg pun..
kalau aku trapped in traffic jam..
kalau aku xmesej dia..confirm aku bole menangis spjg perjalanan sbb duk ingatkan all my wasted years..

aku xpernah sengaja2 pikirkan.kisah silam tu..
sbb mmg xde guna pn nak pikirkan org yg xpernah kisah kan aku..
tp...
bila aku sendirian terlalu lama e.g. trapped in d traffic jam yg mcm hampeh tu, secara xsengaja nye my lacrimal ducts dgn active nye menghasilkan airmata yg deras..
haha..
mcm ujan lebat dlm.kreta gitu :p

ok.
lupakan kisah sedih

pikirkan kisah comel..
haisyh..

slama ni..
ari2 aku akan duk berwhatsapp dgn dia..
then smlm..
ntah knapa..
aku lgsg xcntct dia..
pukul 10mlm aku dh masuk tido..
rupa2nye..
at 140 he wishes me gudnite...
disebabkan saya tido xhengat dunia..mmg lgsg xreply smpai ke esok pagi...

so i just rply..
morning......

and he said
morning wada...
diam aje...huhu..

.
.
.
...cengkerik cengkerik je la jawapan aku...
hmmm.
ntah la..
aku pikir..kalau ari2 asyik msg dia.takut aku ter-build up perasaan suka kat dia..
and for me..cukup la skali hati ku ni remuk pecah berderai jd trillion pieces...
so aku xmau dh...

tp..at d same time..xsalah kan berkawan..?
and knapa aku nk kurangkan dose kehappy-an aku semata2 sbb aku takut..?

hmmm.
ntah la..
yg pasfi..
he is soooo comel and i think i cant get enough of his kecomelan..
haha

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saya bersalah..

saya keluar kerja arini lewat..
malas nak bangun pagi..lewat 5minit je sbnrnye..tp it makes a big difference..
masuk dlm kreta..tgk mnyak tinggal 2calit..haisyh..
kena la isi mnyak lagi...

mnyak dh mcm air je kalau kerja kat kl ni..
2ari rm 50...siapa bole tahan..? :(

so..saya pn memecut..gi isi mnyk kat petronas yg ada masa kat highway..

then suddenly dtg sorg pakcik..
around 60+ years old..
dtg nak jual airfreshner pd aku..
huu.
dgn baiknya aku menolak..
"xpe pakcik..saya xnak..trima kasih.."
dia pandang aku..
sambil keluarkan airfreshner lain dpd beg kertas nye..
aku pandang..sambil ulang ayat yg sama..

pakcik tu beredar..pergi ke kereta yg lain..
aku pn isi la mnyak..
huuu.
then..
seseorg tegur aku dpd blakang..
rupa2nye pakcik tu..
aku xpaham apa yg dia ckp but he is saying sumting to me..in a very low tone..sambil menunjuk2 sepeket airfreshner pd aku..
aku geleng2 pd nya..sambil ulang, "xpe pakcik..trima kasih.."
dan dia merenung aku..
aku hanya mampu senyum.hambar...

dia beredar..
aku naik kreta lalu pergi meninggalkan petronas tu..

spjg perjalanan..
aku terkenang2 kan pakcik tu..
wajah sedihnya..
aku tertanya2..di kala usia nya yg dh tua..knapa dia perlu bkerja seperti tu..?
menjual di kala pagi masih gelap..
jam di kereta menunjukkan 650am..

di mana anak2nya..?
knapa dibiarkan ayahnya idup susah sprti itu..?
oh..atau kah pakcik tu sebatang kara..?
tiada istri,anak mahupun sedara mara..
dia menjual utk mencari duit utk.sesuap nasi...

sedih sgt..
aku terasa sgt xberdaya sbb aku menidakkan permintaan pakcik tu..maafkan saya pakcik..
duit saya cuma rm50 di.kala itu..
utk isi mhyk dan duit tol..
maafkan saya pakcik..
saya cuma mampu doakan kesihatan pakcik..smoga pakcik sihatselalu..smoga pakcik dmurahkan rezeki...
dan..
smoga pakcik maafkan saya sbb saya dgn bodohnya tidak membantu pakcik..
maafkan saya pakcik :(

p/s: saya tulis benda ni smlm..tp ntah kenapa dpd smlm xdpt upload..haisyh

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kisah locum

saya kan ckp saya nak try jinak2 dgn dunia locum..
ngehehe.
supaya dpt la income kan..
yela..idup kat HKL mmg mengopakkan poket..
2ari minyak je dh rm50..
haha..maksudnye kna kawen ngan org kaya ke..?
tapi..mana la ada org kaya yg nak kan aku..
org kayap pun xmau..ni pulak org kaya..
haha..
so..
aku pun gigih la me-locum kan diri..

dan rezeki dtg dpd Allah..
walaupn aku dh xde kat sepital mlaka...tetiba..jadual locum tu ada nana..
walaupn ada a few MOs senior kat ED hosp mlaka ada tanya kat aku if aku nk bg slot locum tu pd mreka..
aku tetap say xmau.haha..
aku gigih nk dtg dpd putrajay ke mlaka semata2 satu slot locum...

knapa..?
1) sbb itu kn rezeki dpd Allah..aku dh xde kat hospital melaka tu dah seminggu lebih tp nama aku tup tup ada dalam jadual locum..haha..maksudnye Allah pnya ketentuan tu ;)

2)anne dpd aritu ajak aku bjimba2 sbb kami dh terpisah seminggu lebih..last week aku balik mlaka pn xsempat nk jmpa anne..dia bz..aku pn bz..so..hopefully dis week dpt bergmbira bsama2..hooray!! ;)

3) ehem..sbb..sbb...sbb..nak jmpa budak2 kesayangans tu la..geng mak jemahs uolls.. :p
4) and i just know that anak ikan nan seorg itu kerja pagi jugak esok..yeay!! haha :p

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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

kisah di ward onco HKL - 1

lama dah xmenulis pasal patient..
ntah knapa arini terasa terpanggil nak tulis pasal sorg pt kat ward RT4a..ward yg aku jaga stakat ni kat HKL..

22y/o.malay guy..
diagnosis: right tibia osteosarcoma..

dia masuk ward for 4th cycle of neoadjuvant chemo,while waiting for his op date...
dia senyum aje stiap masa..
bila ditanya,lgsg xada apa2 masalah..
xde sakit mana2.makan minum smua pun berselera..
membuat kan ati aku terasa sayu..
ya Allah..betapa aku slama ni sgt mensia2kan nikmatMu padaku..
aku sihat..lgsg xde pape penyakit.bole bekerja dgn elok..tp aku yg slalu mengeluh..
sedangkan budak ni..umur baru 22thn..
dah diuji dgn kanser tulang yg sebegitu..
ketumbuhan di bawah lutut kanan nye itu sgt besar.around 15x20cm..
but still, he doesnt complaint of anything..
his operation will not be an easy one i assume..as the tumour is big..and i am afraid that he might lose his right leg due to that..
but still,he smiles each time i come to review him..
mmg budak ni sgt redha dgn ketentuan Illahi..
tambah menyebabkan aku sayu..
dia anak sulung dpd 8adik beradik..
dan rumah nya di jerantut,pahang..
dia dtg ke HKL stiap kali hanya dgn menaiki bas..
and he walks by himself dpd pekeliling ke HKL...
betapa kagumnya aku dgn semangat juang budak ni..

seorg lelaki bernama mohamad syafiq
yg sgt tabah..dan membuat aku sgt tersentuh dgn ketabahan nya ;)

sesungguhnya, aku yg slalu alpa dgn nikmat2 dpd Illahi..

dan..doakan adik yg tabah ni selamat..
selamat dlm perjuangan menjalani kehidupan nya yg masih panjang..
insyaAllah :)

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ari ke-5 di HKL

working in HKL arini ialah hari ke 5..
what do i feel..?
dont know..sbb rasa blur je spjg masa..
serabut tu mmg xpayah ckpla..
masuk kerja kul 8 tp seawal 6pg dh gerak..
smpai sepital kolumpur ni around 715-720..but...another problem is to find a vacant parking lot..
uwaaa..
terpaksa la park kan my car di tepian jalan..huu

how about work..?
ok la..but i have no passion twrd oncology..so..tpaksa la menebalkn muka dan membuat nya dgn rela..

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