U should know that..

Awk..
U should know that..
I genuinely care for u..
Not to say that i am trying to make u love me..
No..

Awk..
U should know that..
I have never ever asked u for any return..
I am doing all these just so u know that there is still someone who thinks of u everyday..

Awk..
U should know that..
I may be annoying.. and all that i did may make u feel annoyed..
But..
U can always tell me that..
If u feel that i am making u feel uncomfortable or anything la..

But..
U should not do what u have done to me now..

U should know that i am also a girl with a pride..

And for u..
I have thrown my pride away..
But not anymore..

Sorry to say..
I will not ask anything to u anymore..
I will not care about u anymore..

May u be well..
I wont ask anything after this..
Goodbye..

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Takut

Kta takut nk tanya awk

Sbb smlm kakmun ckp..
Faidz bgtau kakmun..
Awk ada girlfriend..
Dan he is sure it is not me..

Kalau kta gf awk.mst la kta tau kan..
But no..
He is quite sure that u have someone..

So..
Kkta xtau nk ckp apa..
Speechless..

Should i ask u..
Or should not..?

Sbb kalau mmg awk ada gf..kta nk start jauhkan diri dpd awk..
Tp kalau awk xde gf..kta masih ada harapan..

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Me-young ( read as miang) 😛😛😛

I texted him..
Gediks kan iolzz..

Awk mcm mana arini..? Sorry mesej malam2 buta..kta locum arini.. take care..

And his reply:

Wow..terernya wada..kta kat ..... mall..main bowling dgn family..

Alamaks..
Apa yg terer nya?
Haha.
Adakah sy seperti perempuan bz body di situ..?
I just texted u..so that awk take care..
Plz do take a good care of yourself k..

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More of him

Semalam punya cerita..
Arini he is not around..
And i was busy in the ward..
Balik kerja magrib..
Sedih...

Ok..
More of him..

Adiknya call..nk suruh dia bawak kereta honda dia pegi merisik nun di besut..
But he disagreed..
He asked the brother to bring his own car..
Coz he is tired..
Balik keja dh nak kena gerak ke terengganu..

The brother keeps on asking for him to drive his accord instead..

He insisted not to..

After he hang up the phone..:

Adik kta ni..sibuk nk suruh bwk kereta kta gi sana..dh la dh lunyai kereta tu dia bawak..

Ala..xpe la..abang nya kan ada kereta besar.. awk kan nk gi merisik..so..kena la tunjuk yg the best..

Wada..alza tu kereta dia..so bawak la kereta dia..knpa nk bawak kereta honda pulak..

Apa salahnya..mana tau girlfriend adik awk dh siap ckp pd fmily dia.. man ada kereta besar.. tak pun..abg man ada kereta besar.. mana tau mak ayah dia yg teringin naik kereta awk..bawak je la..diorg pun bangga la nnt yg dtg merisik bawak kereta besar..

Ishhh..wada ni..tu mcm nak menunjuk2 je..

Apa salahnya menunjuk2..awk kan nk pegi merisik..mmg la kena tunjuk yg the best..

Ish..xelok tau menunjuk2.. xpe la..naik la kereta alza tu...lgpn.alza tu mmg man punya..kta nak jaga la kereta kta punya value..

Ok..suka ati awk la..mana2 pun ok..


Then..
Petang sebelum dia balik...

We met as i wanted to give daging korban tu..

Nnt baik2 tau.. adik awk drive kn..ati2 k..

Eh wada ni..takla..kta yg drive..
And he smiles...


Maka sy pun tersengih bak kerang busuk di situ..
Td nak suruh si man yg drive kereta alza..
Then tukar fikiran lak..dia yg drive ke sana..


And at 1230am i received a text message that he has just arrived..

Smoga awk selamat kat sana
Smoga perjalanan pulang awk pun selamat..
Smoga dpermudahkan urusan merisik utk adik awk..
Paling utama..smoga awk tak jatuh hati dgn awek2 di sana..

Haha

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Again

Bermasalah dh hidup ku ini..
And i think i am falling in love with him..again and again..

Tak tau nk ckp dgn siapa..
Tapi hati ni meronta2 nk mntk someone to help release all these feelings that i have for him..

We went out for our lunch today..

Arini awk keluar lunch..?

Keluar kot wada..gi tapperz jom..

Ok..jom..

As easy as that..
So we went out..
And i think i am falling for him more sbb he sacrifices a lot for d family..
A lot..

Esok kta cuti..

Oh..ok..

Esok kta nak g terengganu..Ni la..nak anta adik kta pergi merisik..

Eh..awk x cerita pun nk g terengganu..

Ni kta cerita la ni..hehe..


And the story went on and on and on..

I am there listening to his stories and what i can really say is that..he cares so much about his siblings and he thinks less for himself..

His brother called..
And the way he talked to him..oh..
I have seen another guy yg bercakap with his adik lelaki as well..
Tp no..
He is so soft and his tone when he talks with his brother..
ya Allah.. i dont know if i am that kind and loving to my baby sister..

And lots of things happen..
Basically..
Small things..
But for me..
The small things are the one that matters the most..

When he laughs..
And teased..
When he tells all his worries and woes with his bos and all..
When he waited as what he has promised to me..

Oh..if only he knows.

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Terharu

Kena tulis gak kat sini..
Takut lupa..

Awk keluar makan mana..?

Kta tak tau lagi.. awk kat mana..?

Kta kat serdang lagi..lama lak amik daging2 tu..mak mertua adik kta banyak bcerita..

Oooo..

Hmm.awk nk makan mana..? Kta anta pd tempat makan awk je la..

Eh.. xpe.xpe..hmmm..kta tunggu la..awk agak2 sampai dlm kul brapa..?

Hmm.kta takut jamm..so..dlm setengah jam camtu..ala..tp nnt awk lambat nk gi makan..kta sampai around 1.25pm..ala..

Xpela..kta tunggu la awk..

Abes..awk nk mkn lunch apa..

Xpe la..kta beli je apa2 kat bawah ni..

Ala..xpela ..awk gi la keluar makan..nnt ptg sikit kta dtg ikn..

Eh..eh..awk xpayah la ulang alik..susahkan awk je..

Xpeje..umah kta xjauh sgt pn dpd ikn..

Xpe..xpayah ulang alik..susah awk je wada..awk cuti smpai bila..? Bila awk kerja..?

Esok kta dh kerja..

Esok je wada..xpayah la susah2 ulang alik..esok k..

Xpe ke..?

Xpe..jangan susah2 ulang alik..esok k..

Ok..tq

Esok je tau.. see you wada.. see u..

And i hang up....


Awww..
Camne ni..
Xpayah la nak buat2 org cair siap ckp see you wada..see u..

Ish..kta ni ntah sape2 je la..jangan la buat kta terharu ganda 23..😶😶😶😶

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Tak pantas untukmu

Was browsing through his FB..
And tekan sana..tekan sini..
Tiba2 masalah lama dtg smula..
I dont think that i am good enough for him..

1st..he has been living with orang2 cantik..
Both his sisters are pretty..
Mmg mereka tak fotogenik sgt..but in real life.. mereka cantik..putih..kulit bersih.. and tinggi kurus..
Seriously..
So kecantikan adalah satu kebiasaan utk dia..

2nd..he has everything..
Dia ada duit..and harta..
And his title.. of course i am a Dr as well but.. in a wider context..
A male Dr and has everything..
Duit..harta..kereta..
What else do u want in a guy..?

3rd..he can choose..
Face it wada..
Of course everyone will choose someone yg younger.. if not younger pun..someone yg lebih cantik..
Which i am not..
I am an ugly old girl..full stop..

4th..he is funny and suka bercakap and suka tolong org..
So.. of course la..another plus point for him..

5th..have i mentioned that he is a single doctor..?
So..yeahhhh..he has everything..

So..
Menyedari hakikat ni smua..
Sebelum aku lebih jauh terjerumus dlm kancah kekeliruan yg bakal membuat aku lebih merana..
Aku harus dgn rela hati mengundur diri..

Walaupun harapan utk mendapat someone yg baik dan memahami tu mungkin do-able with him..
Tp..melihat dalam keadaan aku skrg..dibandingkan dia..
Aku tak layak..

So..
Faham2 la hati..
Jangan lebih banyak terjatuh terhadap dia..

Jangan duk usya2 carik dia parking mana ari2..
Jangan duk tgk2 jam dgn harapan menggunung dpt jumpa dia..kejap pn jadi la..
Jangan duk mesej2 dia dh..tanya kabar la..awk ok ke x la.. plastik sgt wada..

Dont wada..
Dont..

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U made me think..again

Malu kta wada...

Awk ni..dgn kta pun nak segan..

Yela..banyak duit awk keluar..penat awk keja...

No worry..awk pn penat keja jugak...

Hmmm..
Now tell me..
What should i do with him..
Makin hari makin buat kta terharu...

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U made me think..

Tak tahan with my work.
To the max..

So arini..
Membebel2..
Tp sbb iolzz balik lambat..so iollzz membebel2 dlm fon..
Dia dh nk smpai umah dh pun masa tu..

Up to the extent yg membebel sepanjang dlm kereta..

And tanya pd dia..
Kta dh bosan dh with my job..
I am thinking of pindah ke tempat lain..

Awk nak pindah mana, wada..
Sayangla sbb awk dh senior..byk pengalaman dh..

Kalau cmtu..kta xtau la didi.. kta nk mntk master benda2 simple la..physio ke..then jadi lecturer..

Or..should i just go to major posting..tp tu la..kta xnak buat master onco..

Kta encourage awk pegi major posting wada..
At least awk ada setahun away from onco..
Kta encourage..awk buat la major posting..


Hmmmm..
The problem is...
I dont think i can go to major posting just because i dont think i can go too far away from u..
I know this is crazy and i am becoming crazier than before..
But..
I really think the main reason now is..i dont think i can stand the thoughts of being away from u..
Skrg..ari2 i have a reason to come to work..
Angau punya pasal..
Seeing ur car itself can make me smile..
But..
Being 1 year away is too much..

I dont know if u r with someone or not..
or if u r still available or not..

But then, a single male doctor does not sound reasonable nowadays..
Baik lak tu..
Lemah lembut lak tu..
Happy all the time lak tu..
And u love ur mom soooooo much..

But then, we r just friends and here i am, getting my heart tangled with this stupid feeling again..

Maybe i should just go to major posting..
Runaway from my hectic job..
More importantly..
Runaway from the stupid feelings that i have for u..again..

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