budak2 kesayangan pegi melancong

ntah knapa aku xmau lgsg update pasal.tempat kerja baru..
apa jadi.
aku dduk mana skrg..
smua bnda bkaitan kerja lgsg xbuat aku happy..
so aku xnk amik tau..

aku nk upload gamba budak2 ksygn aku gi melancong..
haha..
siapa..?
biha.sureen.taufiq.adda..
budak2 PPW yg best kat hosp mlaka..
haha.
knapa aku nk upload pic diaorg..?

ini crita nye...

diaorg ni la penghibur aku masa aku kat mlaka..
diaorg (+my other friends, doktor2 di hosp mlaka- mijah.anne.idayu.mas) la yg menggembirakan aku di kala aku at my lowest point in my life..
di kala realiti dtg mengetuk dan aku akhirnya tahu yg aku dan 'dia' cuma kawan biasa..
betapa remuk nya hati aku..

nasib la ada diaorg..
at least xde la aku lakukan kerja giler luar tabii..
haha..
so..
arini..
diaorg start cuti2 malaysia..
pegi jelajah ke utara...
and
the first place yg diaorg sampai is....

jeng jeng jeng..

Sungai Petani!

uwaaa
and they r heading to Hosp Sungai Petani..

and those unwanted feelings dtg smula menjenguk diriku..

sebak..
sayu..
hiba..

wahai kesayangans..kenapa la korg ke sana..
if only u all know that there is one specific homosapiens kat hosp itu yg telah berjaya wat ati kita remuk..
mmg hati ini remuk smpai rasa lgsg xde ruang utk dipulihkan smula..
coz once my heart is broken into trillion pieces..it takes a lifetime to heal..or maybe never...

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sneak peak :)

happy nye join karnival etdhm ni..
such an amazing way to say bye2 to ED n hosp mlaka :)

ni just a pic..
nnt i'll upload yg lain..
hihi..

we r all happy in dis pic :)

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i am gonna miss u!!

ari2 di sini dihiburkan oleh dia..
yes..true.
dia sgt muda..
dia bukan doktor..
and he is not a malay pun..
but he treats me nice..
and he knows all my previous kisah hidup..

how a guy broke my heart into trillion pieces...
and he just know that when i listen to a song that breaks my heart,he will say so..."mcm kisah awk kan.."

hmmm.
and he selalu buy me drinks.. and foods..
he feeds me bila aku lapar..haha.
mmg aku slalu la lapar kan..
keja kat green tu.xsempat mkn minum..and luckily he is around..

and he knows when to make me laugh..
and he respects me...
and that is what i am gonna miss selepas ni..
his company..and presence...

it is such a nice and warm feeling when u know that sumone do care about u...

even sblm ni,the one guy that i stupidly fall for, xpernah treat me seperti dia layan aku..
haha..
thanks a lot awk coz buat idup kta seronok..
i really appreciate it..
and most of all,thank u for all ur care...
and i am gonna miss u...

:(

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kisah patah hati

kecewa
itu je perasaan aku

xde lain melainkn kecewa..

setelah penat invest perasaaan yg menggunung pd dia..
a few days back..
finally..
a good fren of mine bgtau..
dia anggap aku kawan je selama ni..

haha..
terima kasih to u..
i have lost all d chance utk jumpa dgn org yg berpotensi utk jd teman hidup ku..

dah a few days actually..
tp cuma arini aku ada kekuatan utk.menulis...
mula2 ingat nak biar je smua berlalu..
tp....
baik aku tulis kat sini...
supaya jd ingatan pd aku..
supaya jgn sayangkan lelaki bagai nak gila...sbb akhirnya, aku yg merana...
haha...

aku tau. aku xcantik.aku xpandai.aku xkaya.aku xde harta.aku xde pangkat or kedudukan..
aku manusia biasa aje..
tp aku ada hati yg sgt2 menyayangi dia..
tp aku la yg bodoh sbb sayangkan dia separuh mati..
cakap la..apa aje yg aku takkan buat utk dia..??
semua nya aku sanggup buat utk dia..
tp..
yelah.
siapa la aku ni kan..

dia ckp camni,cmtu..
aku percaya..
then dgn tiada keberanian nya, dia diam terus membisu...
then rupanya selama ni, dia anggap aku kawan je..

haha.
hey, u r d best of all the rest!!
coz u manage to break this steel heart of mine into trillion pieces...
thanks to u, i will never trust a guy after this..
coz of u..
now i know that lelaki ni hanya nak dilayan mcm raja, nak dijaga stiap masa, nak dipuja2 dan disanjung stiap waktu...
oh ya..
dan cuma nk yg cantik, manis dan jelita saja..
kalau org mcm aku ni.? bila diperlukan, ko dtg then bila ko xnak,ko campak and just say, "we r only friends.."
oh..dgn tiada keberanian nya..sbb u dont even have d courage to say so to me..kan..?

Lelaki sgt dia tu..LELAKI sgt!!

i dont mind if u say it to me..
i can accept it..

tp..
disebabkan dia diam je selama dekat setahun ni...
slps smua yg berlaku sebelum ni..
haha..
so u think time can heal all d wounds that u cause la..?
langsung tidak..

haha..

aku tau..
tulis meroyan mcm ni..
apa aje yg aku dpt..
dosa je la kan..
tp at least i know someone will read..
and at last he knows..

how he breaks my heart..

and i wish u get what you deserve...

and what i know now..

U dont deserve my love.
Fullstop.

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semalam yg seronok ;)

yesterday morning..
satu pagi yg happy.

good food, amazing friends  made my dau ;)

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beza

aku dh tau..
betapa bbeza nya..
dulu dan skrg..

dulu..bole aje tiap masa layan kan pertanyaan ku..
dulu..bole je jawab smua sms dan panggilan aku..
tp..
skrg..tanya la apa pun..dia xkan layan..
skrg..anta la sms n call sebanyak mana pun..dia xkan balas..

knapa nak kena wat camtu..?
do u think i will be pengacau dlm kebahagiaan hidup u..?

no.
but coz i miss my bestfren..

kalaupn awak xkisahkan saya..but at least..appreciate la our friendship..

hmmm.
just so u know..
i do appreciate u..that much..
though u dont know..
and u dont even care...

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planning..

saya plan nak wat locum..
smoga dipermudahkan Allah..
reason nak wat locum..?
gaji bulan2 xcukup ke..?

ntah la..
nak wat locum.sbb byk tanggungjawab..
haha..percaya x statement tu..?

single pn byk tanggungjawab ke..?
ntah la..
tp..saya nk wat locum sbb -

1)nak kumpul duit nk ajak mama abah jenjalan..walaupn stakat ke jb..tp still..kena ada duit gak kan nak jenjalan.. duit mnyk.tol.mkn.hotel.. smua nk kena kira tu..
2) nk blanja budak2 ni mkn..yela..diaorg byk sgt tlg aku spjg aku kat ED hosp mlaka ni..so..kena la aku blanja..xmkn besar pn..makan ayam golek or sate kampung jawa pn ok kan..
3)nk kmpul duit beli hfon baru..haha..itu klaka kn..bukan satu keperluan pn..tp....saya nak jugak..

maka skrg..
kena kerja rajen..
esok is my 1st day doing locum..
walaupn skejap aje..
hopefully lepas ni akan lebih byk lg...insyaAllah :)

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Surah Al-Anbiya, Verse 89: And Zakariya, when he cried to his Lord: O my Lord leave me not alone; and Thou art the best of inheritors. (English - Shakir) via iQuran

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terbiasa~

dah terbiasa..
bila marah2 dgn kerenah patients/ relatives. ada yg akan cool kan..
dia xwat apa pun..dia just bdiri situ..dgr kta bebel2 then gelak2..
then i'll start to gelak also...
and ill go back to my room and start again my daily routine...tgk patients di green zone ED Hospital Melaka....

dah terbiasa..
bila lapar  
anta msg...bebel2 yg kta lapar..then he'll go n buy food..

dah terbiasa dgn dia..
walaupun.sengal.dia xagak2.
but..
sbb dh terbiasa..smua tu mewarna kan hidup.ku di ED..

so.skrg terpikir..
ntah mcm mana la idup ku kat institut kanser negara..
xde kawan..
sorg2 kat sana..
uhu..
sgt takut dan seram..
and i am hoping for d best..

for me..any future patients..

sbb dah terbiasa..
dduk kat institut kanser nnt..?
uhuu

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wake up call.

last nite..
tido kat umah anne..
ntah kenapa whatsapp aku sgt lambat send msg  maybe internet ku yg bengong kot.
haha 
last received text dpd dia..
he told me he went to eat icecream the day before..
aku jawab la..ooo..xajak..
then dia diam aje...
so aku buat bodoh la..

dduk.lepak minum mocha freppe kat mcd..
sedap sgt!!
sambil sembang2 ngan anne cyg..
mmg menggembirakan ati.

so bila sampai umah anne 
dh siap2 nak tido..
aku pn text la dia..dh tido eh..?

then he replies..
knapa lambat rply?

haha..
aku kan kluar dgn anne.
aku ingat dia yg xrppy msg aku..rupa2nye dia xdpt msg aku..
haha..

rupanya dia dh nk.tido..mata dh xbole bukak dh..
haha..

aku tersilap ckp ke smpai dia tunggu aku rply baru dia nk g tido..?

haha..
suka la berkelakuan begitu pd aku..

aku pun suruh la dia tido..coz kami keja esok nya..
dia kan masuk kul 7pagi..
aku kan dah up sikit skrg..so aku masuk kul 8.
haha..
so aku saje la ckp..
esok nnt kejut tau..

and he did just that..

aku dh bgn pn sbnrnya..
fon dlm.poket..
aku tgh drive nk balik umah dpd umah anne 
kul 630am..
he call sampai missed call.. (seluar aku kan ketattt..malas giler nk korekkkk kluar kan fon.dpd kocek jeans aku yg ketattttt tu.haha)

then he text..
wada..bangun..
sembahyang subuh...

haha..
ntah knapa aku rasa comel sgt..
siap suruh aku gi smbhyg subuh tu yg aku xtahan >_<
hehe..

mgkn org rasa..ala..biasa la tu..
tp utk aku..
luar biasa..
sbb..

slalu nye sebelum ni..

aku je la yg bgn pagi2 then kejut kan lelaki bgn pagi..
kejut dia nk stayup la
kejut dia nk g kelas la..
kejut masa ni. kejut masa tu..

tp ni..
org yg kejut aku..
haha..
mmg wow la kan..
haha..

ke sbb dia terlalu muda dan anak ikan..perangai dia slalu je secomel kanak2 riang..?
haha..
aku pn xtau..
janji aku seronok..
kan.. ;)

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life as it is

things happen..
haisyh.
itu sgt susah when things happen..
when everything is not in ur control..

huuu.
thinking back and i dont know what i did wrong. .

life is hard enough for me..
but life without love is much.more difficult to handle..

slepas 5thn hati ini cuma kenal satu nama..mcm mana nak padamkan smua tu..?

all d dreams that keep.on repeating in my sleep..
up till today..
i cant sleep coz i dont want to dream..at all...

ntah apa yg silap.
ntah apa yg salah...
looking back at my decisions..

maybe..
the only reason i am still alone is sooo plain simple..

aku xcantik.xkurus..
fullstop..
as easy as that..

but i do wonder...
adakah org yg buruk mcm aku ni..mmg xlayak nk idup bahagia..?

mungkin la kot 
kebahagiaan mgkn hanya utk org yg cantik, yg ada kedudukan, yg kaya, yg ada nama..
but for me...
apa la yg aku ada....

dah banyak kali aku ulang2 ckp.
tp sbnarnya..
siapa yg bole tau betapa remuknya hati ku ini...
i know i sound pathethic..
but it is true...

i am sooooo freaking pathetic.

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