keindahan hidup yg sering saya lupakan...

kebelakangan ni,kita asyik je merungut..membebel..membenci...
tp until la arini, baru saya tersedar,betapa beruntungnya diriku ini...

betapa ramai yg menyayangi...
mama yg slalu memberi nasihat dan semangat...
di kala hati ini kian hanyut dlm kegelapan derita, mama yg berjaya menerangi hatiku semula...
kawan2 yg menyayangi diri ini...yg sering saya lupakan, sedangkan mereka sentiasa ada di ketika diri ini amat memerlukan...
my friends tersayang, jetul, jut, len, nad, mijah, qila, us, izzati, yuyu, hana dan smua yg lain yg sntiasa ada bersama2 diri ini di saat yg paling getir..dan hazri yg sgt2 sering memberi sokongan dan kata2 yg membuatkan diri ini tersedar semula betapa indahnya hidup ini....

mmg hidup ini takkan sentiasa berwarna-warna...
kadang2 hitam kelam...
kadang2 putih nan pucat lesi...
tp di kala hitam dan putih datang, baru terasa betapa indahnya warna-warni...
dan membuatkan aku tersedar, bukan warna yg pelbagai yg membuatkan hidup ini bererti..
tp hidup ini akan menjadi seindah warna-warni
bila segala yg gelap, suram bertukar terang, berseri...
dgn hadirnya mereka yg menyayangi diriku....
betapa aku sering alpa, betapa indahnya hidup kurniaan Illahi...
kerana diriku dikelilingi mereka yg benar2 menyayangi diriku....

p/s: all that mama cakap mmg betul..haha..ayu dah test dah tadi..mmg ayu tk sangka smua tu, slepas apa yg terjadi dlm kisah apple n grapes itu..heee~

rasanye, sepanjang dh bertahun kita duduk kat kuantan ni, this is the first time that i feel soooooooo down...
seriously, sgt2 down, smpai rasa nak lari dpd kuantan ni..nak tinggal kan je semua nye...
tinggalkan smuanye...lupakan semuanye...
just because of what i said yesterday in the class, which i thought was not wrong, but then, some of them interpreted  it wrongly...as if saya ni tak tau malu,kan...? as if saya ni terhegeh2,kan...?
owh, please la...
seriously, i feel very2 down..feel like crying..feel like i want to disappear...
jadi asap yg bole terbang and hilang cmtu aje...
so that i wouldnt be here...

i have never felt sooo humiliated like this for a long time...a very long time...as if saya ni tak tau malu...
seriously, kita mmg tak sangka mereka akan menukarkan makna kata2 kita...
seriously, apa yg kita pikirkan at that time bukanlah seperti apa yg mereka katakan...
dan i cant stop this feeling..rasa nak lari tinggalkan smua nye...

Banyak benda nak tulis
tp takde masa..penat..
paling utama...BENCI>>BENCI >>BENCI
b-osan
e-ntah
n-ape
c-cerita yg berwarna warni dlm idup ini
i-lang

Hahaha...
bole tak tulis cmtu..?mst smua tak paham kan..?biar kan..biarkan semua tak paham...mmg bukan utk dimengertikan...mmg bukanutk difahami...cuma utkku melepaskan rasa hati....
so, walaupun jumaat malam sabtu sgt best sbb dpt kua makan2 ngan group ward 3rd year+dpt jumpa n borak2 dgn ezzu, n semalam program so what's next after mbbs telah selesai dgn jaya nye...tp arini..
penat..penat..penat.
benci...benci......benci.................................
arios!

thanks a lot for doing all these to me...
for giving me hopes and then to shatter them all into tiny million pieces~ 

Kisah apple&grapes......

This is a true story...

A story of a girl...a twisted kind of story....and not-a-fairytale story...

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, lives a girl named Apple...
she has this one good friend named grapes...
apple and grapes have been friends for years...

 grapes n apple trusted each other...
at one time, grapes was totally madly in-monkey-love with this one school boy...
apple supported grapes soooo much, encouraging grapes to try her best to achieve whatever that she wanted.
apple would be the one cheering grapes, when grapes cried and cried and cried, as the boy rejected her monkey-love...
apple did say to grapes, "it is his lost...he is such a fool to reject such a wonderful girl like u...."
apple continued to make grapes happy, to make grapes forget the boy and move on with life....
apple tried all that she can...
and grapes seemed to be better with each passing day....

at one time, as apple trusted grapes, apple told grapes almost everything about herself....
apple told grapes everything, the boy with whom she has crush, the boy that she hated the most....
but what did grapes do...?
she just responded negatively to apple...
"ala...takkan la dia suka kamu..."
"ala...tak payah la buang masa suka pd budak tu..."
"ala...tak mungkin la dia tu nak pandang pun pd awak..."
grapes did not even supported apple...not even once...
and at that time, apple felt that grapes was trying to make apple focused on her study. SPM..ambitions..
not to fall for any guy...
bcoz apple thought, grapes didnt want apple to feel hurt as what grapes has felt... .

 
both of them, apple and grapes do want to be doctors....
they have been having this same ambition since they were in primary school....
and a few months before SPM, grapes and her family moved to another state...
and there was only apple alone, there....
but apple tried her best..
and currently pursuing her ambition...
apple and grapes still contact once in a while...
with the help of technology,,handphone....internet...Facebook...YM...
and until nowaday, they still keep in touch....

at one time, apple found out about something really inappropriate of which grapes tried to do...
grapes said that, it is in the name of love...
apple did forbid grapes to do it...
and at that time, grapes and her BF had a very big fight becoz of what apple told grapes...
but apple said to grapes, "if he really wants you that much, he will wait for u.....not by doing this..."
and apple was right..
the guy waited and waited for grapes...up till now...

and recently, apple contacted grapes...
grapes has finished her degree,in agriculture..and wanting to continue with master...
and, as what apple used to do, she did confide to grapes....
apple told grapes about everything...
once again, a fool of apple...to tell everything to grapes...
apple wanted grapes to give her opinion...
of the matter of her life..
of the matter of her heart..
but once again, the same negative answers were all that grapes told apple...

"oh, kalau doctor, bila dah keluar, mesti la dah ramai yg menunngu...dah beratur girls nak kan doktor...so why should that guy wait for u...why would he choose u over those other girls........"

"pikirla...awak tu perempuan...dia tu lelaki...kalau lelaki, makin tua, makin ramai yg suka...lagi lak doctor...tapi awak.............................."

and apple felt that,how could grapes told her that...
yes, reality and the truth, sometimes are that cruel...
but, how could a friend told another friend sumting as bitter as that...?

And this is how the story ends...
Apple is still there...
Grapes has succeeded to make apple feel that love will never ever be hers...

 

here, apple is drowning in her own tears, while grapes happily watch from outside...

THE END...

(kisah ini cuma kisah buah2an...haha)

Banyak benda nak cerita...
sila baca ini BANYAK benda sgt2 nk crita..
owh..tp saya cuma ada sedikit je masa..huuu
so, just bole tulis points2 nye aje la...kalau ada masa, i'll write further eh...?

• bila abis je cuti n i hv to come back to kuantan, i'll be extra super-duper sedih sbb kena duk jauh dpd mama, abah n baby..huuu.miss them so much...counting the days utk kembali tinggal bersama2 mereka..harap2 la dapat llulus final pro nnt..so that i can be at home, n kerja kat melaka, n duduk dgn my family stiap masa...5 years in kuantan is toooooo long...

• tp bila pikir semula, cuma tinggal a few months to b with my beloved frenz, here...sob sob..sedih nye...dont want to be separated from them all...sb masa bersama2 mereka smua inilah, saya mengenal erti kehidupan..dan paling utama, makna persahabatan...sbb since dgn mereka smua la, saya merasa keindahan persahabatan itu.... ohhh, i'm sooo sure that i'll miss them sooooo much..uhu..

• arini rasa sgt2 teringin nk makan epal...mula2 tu, rasa nk makan epal ijau, tp sbb kat the store td epal ijau nye tak cantik, saya pn membeli epal pink...sedddaaaap :)  

• saya tak suka rasa di hati yg tak tentu pasal ini..huuu.jgn mengada2 ye...xelok berperasaan begitu wahai cik hati...kena duk diam2...kena baca buku je setiap masa..kena jatuh cinta pd buku2 je selalu.. 

• IM adalah terlalu susah utk saya...susah,,saya takut saya tak mampu....uhu... saya takut sgt2..

• oh, kasih ibu bapa adalah terlalu sgt2 sukar nk dibalas...mereka sanggup buat apa aje utk anak2...sedangkan anak2...hmmm..mampukah kita buat,even 10% of apa yg mereka dh buat utk kita...? ada byk sgt2 nk crita...especially slepas tgk patient kat ward td..uhu...he is 25y/o, single, malay male, comes with chief complaint of fever for 2 months, + LOA n LOW for 2 months,+SOB for 2 weeks, currently cannot ambulate much, becoz severe SOB..betapa besarnye pengorbanan dan kasih ibubapa pd anak2...the father sanggup turun cari air then naik ke atas smula bawak sebekas air (dalam bekas besar, mau2 adalah 10 L kot air tu..berat tau tgk pakcik tu angkut air sorg2...)for the pt sbb the toilet in hospital xde air arini, n the pt wants to BO...oh, pakcik tu dh tua..n the makcik tu pn dh tua..makcik tu tunggu je kat sebelah pt tu spjg masa...mereka sanggup ikut pt tu, ke mana aje...he went to echo, (he has pericardial effusion, secondary to?? yet to be determined...) mereka menunggu di luar..after echo, while waiting utk transfer pt ke CCU, mereka tunggu je di sisi pt tu...makcik tu smpai duduk bersila kat lantai depan MOPD sbb lama sgt nak tunggu..sian mereka...pakcik tu siap tolong tolak kan bed pt tu, sepanjang perjalanan, dpd ward ke MOPD, kemudian ke CCU pulak..huuuu..saya sgt2 terharu...
 

• of course, me myself mmg sgt2 tau betapa byk nye mama n abah dh berkorban for me, semata2 to make sure i can get what ever i want..and for that, i'm sooo grateful..tp saya tau, saya mmg bukan anak yg baik...tak cukup baik..dan perlu jadi lebih baik, utk mama n abah...MAMA n ABAH, I love u sooo much..ayu mintak maaf, i know that sumtime, i dont show it, but i just want u both to know that i do...

arini...
saya bangun awal pg..kul 6 dh terjaga..kebil2 bangun, siap2...
kul 720 pg dh bergerak ke terminal...
tunggu...tunggu...tunggu....
tunggu...tunggu...tunggu...
tunggu kaunter maraliner bukak...
ingat nk cari tiket nak balik melaka awal...tiket saya kul 6ptg arini...
ingatkan kalau ada tiket lebih awal, nak beli la...kul 845 pg ke...
so, saya pun menjadi penunngu setia di terminal makmur...kul 820 baru kaunter bukak...
"Takde dh tiket ke melaka arini dik..."
uhu...saya sedih...tp xpe, masih menyimpan harapan yg kalau jumpa driver bus, maybe ada lg seat kosong yg slal reserved for driver...
uhu...tp xde..bas ke mlaka penuh...
so, saya pn pulang ke uia smula...
thanks to cik len supermodel coz dia ygdtg amik kta dpd terminal pg td..huhu..
then kita pn mengajak len gi bfast..hehe..we went to mcd..breakfast at mcD.. Nyum nyum :P

then tghari ni nak kuar makan ngan len,.nk makan kat BayRoute..yeay!!

slpas tu, planning nk shopping baju raya lak...hehe

Nasib baik mood arini = happy happy happy :D
kalau x, mesti saya dh menangis kesedihan sbb xdpt balik umah awal...

mst kerana masa sembang2 yg lama semalam malam...haha..
gembira bergelak ketawa mlm td...ahaks :)
ye....mmg kalau lebih gelap, lebih macho, tp.....tp....tp....
tet!!!jangan hiraukan kata2 mereka yg busy body itu ;)
being one's true self is the most amazing thing, sbb itu adalah original ;) hahaha :D

tadi meminta pendapat cik len yg cantik..
huhu...
conclusion yg saya dpt: saya tak tahu apa yg saya sedang lakukn sekarang...
huuuuu....
huuuuuu....
susah nye hidup ni...
susah nye rasa ini...
bila dah smpai ke masa dan ketika yg seperti ini,

boleh tak kalau semua nya bakal kekal begini, sampai bila2...?
boleh tak kalau takde sesiapa yg boleh merampas kegembiraan kita ni...?
supaya kita boleh tersenyum setiap masa...
supaya kita sntiasa merasa indah nya segala di dunia ini...
supaya semua yg kelam dan suram, tetap akan dilihat berwarna-warni kerana semua ini..

boleh tak kalau takde sesiapa yg bakal memiliki, selain kita....?
boleh tak kalau kita jadi selfish, just fikirkan diri sendiri and ignore kan aje org lain...
boleh tak kalau kita ada keberanian yg terlalu hebat, smpai kita mampu berkata2 apa yg kita rasa...?
boleh tak kalau kita berusaha sedaya upaya nak dapatkan apa yg kita inginkan...?


tp rasanya, kita takkan mampu buat semua ini....
sebab kita terlalu kenal dgn diri sendiri yg tak pernah akan mampu memiliki....
sebab kita tau di mana letaknya, langit dan bumi....

Birthday Mama~

Wah wah, bulan november ialah bulan birthdays kan ;) heehee
arini is my beloved mama punye birthday...
all my other sisters are currently at home, so i guess, i can only wish mamadpd jauh je la..
hugs n kisses, terpaksa la later on, masa balik umah slasa ni nnt...
huuu

anyway, as today is  mama punye birthday, of course la it means a lot to me ;)
(birthday smua org yg saya syg adalah sgt2 bermakna buat saya, weee..saya yg terlebih excited...)
mama, ayu tak dapat nak bagi pape adiah pd mama..huhu..
tp insyaAllah, next year, kita bole kuar celebrate bersama2 beramai2 ye ;) yeay!!!

Happy birthday Mama...

Mama...ayu tau, 

ayu ni slalu sgt mengada2...

tp mama selalu je layan kerenah ayu dgn sabar..

n that, i know that u love me sooo much

kadang2 tu sgt moody..suka je marah2 tak tentu pasal...

tp mama tetap mampu tahan dgn ayu dan ceriakan ayu semula...

n that, i know that u love me sooo much..

kadang2 tu terlalu unpredictable, 
at one second i would be laughing then after a moment, i would be crying...

tp, mama tetap akan sentiasa berada di sisi ayu tak kira apa terjadi...

n that, i know that u love me sooo much..

kadang2 tu ayu diam je, xmau crita pape..kadang2 tu, ayu cakap banyak sgt2...

tp mama tetap setia di situ, menemani ayu di setiap masa dan ketika...

n that, i know that u love me sooo much....

There are so many things that u have done for me..

and yet, too little things that i can do to repay you...

But mama, i just want to let you know, that i love you soooo much...

more than words can say...

more than money can buy..

more than what i can do to show you that i do...

Semoga mama panjang umur, murah rezeki, sentiasa bahagia di dunia akhirat...

Smoga mama dikurniakan dgn kesihatan yg baik sepanjang masa...

Smoga mama sentiasa dilimpahi dgn rahmat-Nya...

Happy birthday Mama 

P/S; mama, bole tak ayu nak wish sumting lagi, hehe..
semoga di masa akan dtg, mama akan mendpt bakal2 menantu yg best (+ ensem..haha), yg mama berkenan, bukan sekadar anak2 mama je yg berkenan...
(this is the naughty me!!and mama dah biasa sgt dgn perangai kita yg sebegini..ahaks :P)

Bukan...

Bukan khayalan yg aku berikan, tapi keyakinan yg nyata....

Oh,saya rasa saya dh terover jiwang kebelakangan ini...
blame it all to the weather, yg sntiasa hujan dan sejuk ini...hahahaha :P
jahat sungguh diri ini kerana salah kan cuaca..cuaca tak salah langsung..
saya yg tak reti mengawal dose jiwang2an ini...
hehehe..

Pape pun, dgr crita esok result exam kami smua akan kuar..
(dh dgr sejak ari rabu lg...then arini pn dgr result akan kuar...tp sbb xkuar2, so, mungkin esok la kot)
hope that kami smua 10th batch mbbs iium akan lulus dgn cemerlang...

Mau menulis la..

Owh hati rasa melompat2...banyak benda nk kena crite ni..haishh..
wahai hati,sila la berdegup selancar biasa...hahaha (saya tak mau any palpitation plz...apatah lagi arythmia dan segala macam yg seangkatan dgn nye..hee)

Td pg ada kelas dgn Prof How...i am supposed to do short case with him, but end-up with presenting a case with him..huissh..lega sgt2 skrg ni sbb dh lepas dh kena present pd dia...i know that it was very bad, but frenz, i promise i'll improve..sori la ye for a bad presentation td...tp yg syoknye, the class was enjoyable n fun...
Prof How sgt pandai..pandai sgt2 smpai kan the way he teaches us membuatkan saya terasa mau menjadi rajin..

(plus kerana kegirangan+kegembiraan+gelak ketawa riang ria yg telah membuat saya smakin bersemangat...ditambah dgn  sokongan padu dpd mama tersayang plus my beloved family..all these=happy)

then petang tadi, saya,jut n len gi ke ward to find pt for Len's long case esok..kami sgt rajin..yeay!! trima kasih pd jut n len kerana berjaya membuatkan kta rajin di kala ptg yg agak2 mengantuk+penat sbb dh lama berdiri masa klas Prof How td..hee

and sampai skrg, saya belum belajar lagi..haha.
tp akan saya usaha kan utk membaca buku sbentar lg ni...
kerana saya dibuai mimpi semalam~

kalau kebahagiaan seindah ini, biarlah ia menjadi kenyataan...

kerana keindahan ini terlalu bermakna....

kerana kenyataan itu sesuatu yg pasti, 

sedangkan diriku kini sekadar bermain dgn fantasi~

A year older, A year wiser..

Haha..hari ni, ada apa eh...? ^^ wink wink...
as what 2 sisters yg duk kat umah di ketika ini said, "kita tgk apa yg kakyu buat on 9hb ni"
so, u are true my dearest sisters (si kembar com ; adlina = comel, liyana = comot..)
this is what i am doing..
i am writing this on my blog..hahaha..
berani maut kan kakak awak yg baik hati ini :P
(tu la, sape suruh korg asyik membuat count-down kat umah tu...kakyu dh terikut2 dh ni...haha)

so, to whom these words are meant for... (i know dia tak baca tp at least i write sumting, kan...)

for me, today is a special day...
though each day is amazing by itself,
but today is a special day of the amazing everyday...

Today is a gift of everyday..
to have someone as special as the one born on this date, 24 years ago...
sumone who is always there with me....
sumone who is always there for me...
sumone who always make me laugh, and laugh and laugh somemore...
sumone who always make me feel at ease...
sumone who let me be me, so i dont have to pretend to be sumone of which i'm not...

So, today, on your birthday....

I wish for all your dreams to come true...

I wish for all your days to be filled with happiness....

I wish for your health and well-being, for years and years ahead...

I wish you all the pleasures, of which money cant buy...

I wish you many years of laughter and joy...

I wish you all the coming years to be devoid of sorrow..

I wish you all of life’s best treasures.

I wish you happily ever after...

 

 Love makes the Time pass.....  

Time makes Love pass.....

P/s: just a 5-minute rests from reading Kaplan..bubye, i have to go and read Kaplan lagi..huhu..esok exam clinical...doakan kejayaan saya dan kawan2 saya :)