Hari yg semacam...

1.arini dh ari ke-3 dermato...baru jumpa dgn dr anis...td baru la dpt skit 'cahaya' ttg kehidupan dlm posting dremato ni...hmmm.mcm best bila ada doctor mengajar...mcm tak best bila xde sape yg hiraukan aka terbiar tanpa bimbingan aka berdiri je tercongok kat clinic dermato tu tanpa hala tuju...tp mcm syok jugak la...maybe sbb dr anis pandai bcakap, mbuatkan kita rasa nk jd rajin ckit utk blaja dermato ni :)

2.rasa2nye mcm nak gi shopping lg la ptg ni...weekend ni dh puasa..n my geng utk bershopping sgt bz kat kg pdg tu...so, tpaksa surpress keinginan tu shingga abis puasa nnt
;( sob,sob~ maybe shingga abis raya,coz raya nnt mst bz nak beraya sakan!!!

3.i heard sumting td..sumone told me sumting...xtau nak percaya apa...coz slama ni, i believe in sumting else...tp tadi, kita tahu sumting...and i dont know how to respond...hmmm...situaisi nye begini...apa anda rasa, jika, anda ingatkan kreta yg anda sygkan slama ni adalah kreta yg best sgt2...tp rupa2nye, kreta tu, kreta 2nd hand...? ( btul ke analogy sy ni...mcm pelik aje bunyik nye....)
btw, ni xde kaitan lgsg dgn WNU ksygn saya tu...WNU, i love u :D

So, what should i expect?hmmm...surprisingly, i should not expect anything at all!!!!
XOXO, Me, Confused...........

does smile=health?

Arini terasa sgt kesorangan...huhu..ntah nape ntah...
sunyi sgt...

td masa baru balik ptg td, sumone tegur and said " wada nape nampak xsihat?" and out of nowhere, kita memarahi that girl,by saying that she made her own assumption....she tried to defend herself and she said, 'wada smakin kurang senyum..."
hmmmm, does xsmile = xsihat...? or does smile=healthy...? i was puzzled...still am..
ntah la...i'm sorry coz kita jawab dgn penuh kekasaran td, but, really, i was not in a mood to chit-chat about how do i look today......
kesian sgt to that girl, kita tau yg dia try to be friendly, to be a concerned fren, to tell that she cares...tp, im sorry, maybe its the way u said those words...maybe the timing is not right...but, most probably, maybe it's just me.......
ntah la...lately, i'm becoming soooooooooooooooooo moody...
nape pn tak tau la...
maybe i hv to go back to see mama,abah n adik2, to recharge my happiness level back to normal...
so that i'll smile more frequently...so that, no one will say that kita ni xsihat.....
anyway, i'm looking forward utk pulang ke rumah weekend ni...nak gi hari peladang (as what hs been suggested by Mama, then pegi maen bowling...best nye..best nye )...
but somehow, i hv to write down what i feel...............

i dont understand what i really feel...
but this feeling just cant go away...
it's hurting me so much..
every second of my time..
i cant take it anymore.......

(but i think, the main reason is that, i miss those smiles, i miss those laughs, i miss those jokes, i miss those time that we spent together...i really hope to have those moments back...so that i cn once again be happy, so that i can once again smile and laugh wholeheartedly, so that i will be my 'old' self back.....)

XOXO, Me, dont know why...

Weekend yg bz berjalan2 :)

Bahagia nye ada kawan2 yg sgt2 baik ni...they hv brightened up my life :)
Now i can smile once again :)
I can already accept that even though sy 'terpisah', mereka tetap ada di sisi utk diri ini..
Thanks a lot...cyg korg semua :)
It's not that i dont hv other frenz, i do, and i do love them too, but, sbb dah terbiasa bersama all the 5 of them ( u know who u r) ,sy terbawa2 rasa kesunyian,kesorangan ni...tp xpe, now i'm already my old self back :)

hehe :) my weekend ends with a smile on my face...
ari jumaat petang, lpas tido dgn penuh kebahagiaan spjg ptg tu, kuar g anta kwn g klinik...cian dia...kna kuarantin smpai skrg...she is still hving low grade fever...plz pray for her, hopefully that she'll recover asap, insya-Allah :)
then, malam tu, kuar gi makan kat santai dgn nad,azi, us...sedap sgt mkan lasagna kat ctu...nyum nyum :)
esoknye, pagi tu temankan hana n ehem2nye gi megamall...plan asal she asked me to temankan dia beli headphone, then plan berubah, terpaksa la kita join je mereka berdua..haha :) sy menyibuk je dlm mereka berdua memilih2 headphone tu :) ala2 chaperone gitu ~

then ptg tu, kuar dgn mucuk (jetul) g ber-ronggeng...syok sgt!!!! hihihi :)

then pg td, dikejutkan oleh cik jetul, dpt mkn nasi lemak ma jetul yg best sgt2...sedap~ i like :) tq mucuk :)

my evening, masa utk bershopping!!! kuar dgn us and nad...mula2 kitaorg gi ecm, mkn kat kfc, then jalan2...then temankan diaorg cr brg2 utk ke sg lembing...hehe :) best sgt dpt jalan2 :)

This week, mereka ( jetul, nad, us,azi,.....) akan ke sg lembing ...i bet i'll miss them all so much...uhu :(

but, i've promised to myself, that i'll study hard sepanjang ketiadaan mereka ni....

then bila mereka pulang, i can enjoy once again with them..yahoo!! :)

XOXO, Me, happy..

Lamakah lagi ....?

Tak larat...seriously, dah tak larat...
cmne nak hadapi hidup slama setahun ni..
cmne nak harungi semua ini, sendirian...keseorangan...
tak sanggup lg idup penuh kesunyian mcm ni ...
tak sanggup lg idup penuh kekosongan begini......
bayangkan, takde teman berbual...takde kawan nak berkongsi masalah ataupun nak bergelak ketawa mcm slalu....
ntah la...ntah la...


Cmne saya nk blaja kalu saya tak de smgt lgsg..takde perasaan lgsg...
Cmne saya nak blaja kalu hati ini kian memberontak...makin memberontak setiap detik..setiap saat...
Tak larat...tak sanggup... tak kuasa...
Ya Allah.. Ya Allah.. Ya Allah...
Berikan diri ini kekuatan...
Kerana aku dah tak sanggup lg mengharungi segala ini...
Kerana diri ini mmg lemah, tak kuat utk menempuhi segala ini....

XOXO, Me, I cant bear it anymore ~

Memetik kata2 seseorang, idup mesti diteruskan :)

Setelah menjalani weekend yg penuh aktiviti bershopping :

• Jumaat - Gi parkson + megamall beli handbag,2 baju for baby and rahsier~
  
• Sabtu- Pagi2 dh gi picnic kat TC... Then,gi KP, beli girlie things, blouses and shawl~
• Ahad- Hari dimulakan dgn gi pasar tani utk beli food for breakfast...pastu,gi makan2 kat tempat yg dikatakan sgt sedap, tp rasa nye, cm biasa je...nasib baik la ada org ngaku ygb mknn aritu cm biasa je..hehehe :) tp syok la, coz dpt jalan2, mkn kropok lekor yg sgt sedap and duk di tepi pantai, makan cempedak goreng and minum air kelapa...

Tapi arini, 3rd of August 2009, mula lah episod pertama dalam diri ini menjalani ari2 sebagai 4th year medical student...

• Kita start dg posting radiology...pagi2 ada briefing dgn Prof. Arif about specialized posting...then, gi HTAA, ada briefing lg about our radiology posting..huhu...then, Dr.kamariah ckp, ada pre-test..hadoi la~ dalam keadaan diri ini yg blank n tak tau pape ni, maka sy pn main hentam sajalah soalan2 itu...
• Then, we hv to go to sumthing like seminar, tajuk 'kursus keselamatan radiasi'...huhu...sgt mengantok...bayang kan...1st day in the posting n u hv to attend that talk...xpaham apa pn..huhu..full of technical terms...at last, after lunch, kitaorg cabut, pegi ke JHC
• Then, at 4pm, ada kelas lagi..huhu..

Penat sungguh...memang sgt2 penat...
Tp, xpelah...
I have to be strong...
I have to face all these...
Even though i'm alone...

Sedihnye...sedih sgt2...
Sunyi sgt...
xde lagi gelak2 cam dulu...
xde lagi jokes cam dulu...
xde lagi spending hours just for eating lunch kat tempat yg syok (pak akob's)
xde lagi usik mengusik...gossip menggosip...

Yg paling saya rindu kan...kawan seposting yg lepas... Jetul,Nad,Azi,Us...My motivator...

But, quoting from someone, hidup mesti diteruskan...
Yup, U're right...
Hidup mesti diterus kan :)

XOXO, Me, Alone and Lonely

Esok exam..

Huhu..esok exam psychi yg memang psycho..
Hahaha :P xbaca pape pn..rasa mcm sgt relax...smlm time crita pd mama yg esok exam, she was like terperanjat gak coz i didnt tell her earlier about it :p
Sori mama, ayu mmg malas sgt nk bc psychi tu...susah n bnyk sgt perkataan sehingga mbuat ayu ngantok tiap kali ayu baca buku tu :p sowi sgt...mlm ni ayu study ya :)
Hehe :)
Anyway, i'm not in 'exam mode' pn skrg ni...more of 'shopping mode'.. :P
Nape ye?? haha :D bak kata jetul "Rahsierrrrr..."
Hehe :)
Anyway, kita mmg tak sabar nk abis exam esok...coz, then, petang nye nak gi shopping!!!
Yeay!!! (shopping is my motivation to endure this very stressfull exam tomorrow)
Syok nye..syoknye...
BTW, kawan2, dis friday is bonuslink members day at parkson :) so, silalah bershopping esok...
Ur bonuslink reward akan digandakan sebanyak 5kali!!!!

I cant wait for tomorrow :)
Anyway, doakan kejayaan kami semua dlm exam esok k:)
To all my dear 10th batch frenz, chiayoq for exam esok...
We all can do it :)

XOXO, Me, Studying and shopping.

1,2,3.... A,B,C...

It used to be as simple as 1, 2, 3.....
U start to count, then i'll end it up.....

It used to be as easy as A, B, C....
I start to spell, then U'll read out the words...

But now, is it still the same....?
Yes... and No....

Yes, we still count 1,2,3 as what we used to do...
but,
No, now we have to add, substract, times and divide the numbers,
making it all very difficult to solve...

Yes, we still say A, B, C as what we used to do...
but,
No, now U make sentences out of the words, but I prefer the words to rhyme....

Can we sort all these things out...?
Or is it just me...
Maybe it's only me...

I'm confused of the equations...
I'm confused of the sentences...

but, more importantly...
I'm confused of You & Me....

XOXO, Me Counting and spelling...

Yesterday Was Superb !!!!

Semalam my previous grup posting kluar bsama2, gi main bowling n makan2...best sgt2....
That was the first time kita main bowling...syok sungguh...wlaupn bola tu asyik masuk longkang, tp, best sguh melambung bola tu ke dalam longkang :P hehehehe :P
Lpas bergumbira bmain bowling, kita, jetul, farhah n anaman telah bjaya memujuk bad utk blanja kitaorg ice cream mc-D...nyum nyum...thanks a lot bad :)
Then, lpas solat mgrib, kami smua pn pegi ke new horizon...it's time for makan !!!
Hhehehe :P best sgt2...
Then, we all bg ucapan ala2 ucapan perpisahan gitu :P hehehe :P time tu rasa sedih gak la, tp, dont wori...ada 2years lg utk kita smua bsama2...even dh tak sama posting :)
Then balik...lalalalalala ~ bahagia sungguh :P






XOXO,
Me, Happy, so happy....

What if it's true...?

Semalam there was a statement by my very dear fren, hmmm, mungkin betul apa yg dia kata,,,mungkin betul sangkaan itu...tp, apa yg harus kita lakukan, coz i think, and i feel that, i'm already trapped in this 'curse'............
Apa yg harus ku lakukan....i dont think that i cn move forward...but still, i cant erase what's in my mind, and in my heart....
Quoted from a song by my favourite singer,Jamal Abdillah, " Oh Tuhan, tolong lah aku..."

Keep On Going ~

Dah dekat sebulan tak tulis blog ni...
Huhu...rasanye byk benda nak crita, tp dont know where to start la :)
Ok, lets begin from the last time i left this blog a.k.a b4 exam y3b4 aritu...

1. Exam aritu mmg horror, tp, alhamdulillah, dah pass the exam :) hehe :) best sgt...sgt2 bersyukur coz dah berjaya pass exam ong yg mcabar tu...

2. Cuti after exam yg pendek aritu, mmg sgt membahagiakan....i spent most of my time at home, with mama, of course...maka bermula lah episod nyanyian ku di rumah, kita akan menyanyi pd tiap mase.Time bgn tido,time iron baju, time sidai baju, time memasak, time tgk tv bila ada iklan2 kat tv tu, time bukak pintu bila abah balik kerja, pendek kata, hampir stiap masa...smua org kat umah tu asyik je senyum dgn lebarnye bila kita menyanyi...(maksudnye, suara kita sgt2 merdu, smpai mama rindu bila kita dh balik ke kuantan ni..hehehe ) Hahaha :P

3. Time cuti tu gak, dpt la ikut rombongan meminang..anak buah kita ( son of my kakak sepupu) nk bertunang, so, kita ikutla...mmg syok...meriah sgt...tiba2 je terpikir, alamak, diri ni dh tua, cmne ni...maybe takkan ada such event for me nnt..huhu..cmne ni..cmne ni...adik dh ada abg cyg nye,tp mama dh ckp awal2, xde langkah bendul...so...ertinye...maknanye...kita dulu????owh. no!!!!!!! Tolong!!!!! Then the clock starts ticking, tik-tok,tik-tok.................

4. Then, cuti pn abis..huhu..maka pulangla diri ini ke kuantn dlm misi ku memburu cita2..hehe :) dh 4th year dh skrg...tp, yg sedih nye, dah terpisah dgn most of my previous posting frenz....dah tak sama grup dgn jetul, nad, us, azi, fadhil, nizam, syaify, etc...huhu..sedih sgt2..even tak sama grup dgn 'u know who'...owh!!!! NO!!!!NO!!!! i cant imagine how i'm going to survive this 1 year...huhuhu..sedihnye..tp, luckily, my new grup posting ada jut nagn mijah..hihi :) cayang korang..

5.Ok,starting 4th year ni, subject nye, forensic medicine..best sgt2...rasa mcm nak jd CSI lak..hehe :) inilah masa nye segala 'pengalaman' menonton CSI,CSI Miami,CSI new york, yg mmg kita minat mjadi sgt bharga...hehe :) best la...but, at the same time, each time the doctors show the slides, i feel sedih sgt..hiba pun ada...cmne la mnusia bole jd sekejam itu...

6. Disebabkan kelas for this week cuma pd 8.30am till 12 pm, petang adalah free...hehe :) best nye, coz dpt ronggeng sepuas hati...tp bila dh tak tau nak wat ape, contohnye mcm skrg ni, mmg tak syok lgsg...huhu...makanye saya pun asyik la mjadi pseudoroomate G2.4...hahaha :) nasib baik la mereka ni baik, sentiasa je menerima kehadiran diri ini..hahaha :P

Ok, esok, i'll try to write sumthing lg la...hehehe :P bila dah start menulis blog ni, mmg tk bole nak stop...till next time, bubye...

XOXO, Me , Boring n lonely..

My Days~

Windunye dah lama tak tulis blog ni...

Huhuhu ~ knon nye bz la... tp sbnrnye takde la bz sgt pun...

I'm just trying to 'focus' on study, coz exam is just around the corner...

But still, they are a lot of interesting things that happened last week :)

1. Last week was a very bz week...bz nak completekan logbook..mcm2 yg terpaksa dikorbankan (esp my precious sleeping time.huhuhu~ ) Alhamdulillah, dh submit pn yesterday...


2. The first time that i really sleep at the hospital...( sblm ni pernah skali stay kat low-risk tu, tp, xtido pn...hehehe :p main2, borak2, gelak2 je spjg malam while waiting for the patient to deliver...tp last saturday night, i sleep kat musolla low-risk sbb xde org nk bersalin pn...)


3. First time in my life, bila kita tgk 2 jenazah baby yg baru lahir...siap dikapan...ada kat hi-risk...
Huhuhu :( sedih sgt2.... coz, baby spatutnye lahir dgn mbawa cahaya kegembiraan for the parents and the family...tp, aritu, ada 2 intrauterine death, then bersalin by SVD.... sedih sgt...i was very sad ( n seram sgt tgk ada 2 jenazah baby kat tempat baby tu), and i couldn't imagine how the mothers felt........... Ini semua dugaan Allah...kita tak tau, but He knows the best for us, kan..? Sblm ni pn, kita ada dgr, if a baby dies, then the baby will wait for the parents kat syurga nnt...kita tak tau sgt, tp, for those yg tau, plz let me know, ya?

4. While waiting for doing CP, there was one Chinese man, yg baru je lpas tgk wife dia bersalin kan anak sulung diaorg...He was very excited at that time, dia sgt2 teruja to see pengorbanan istri dia, yg sgup susah payah lahirkan anak mereka... This is quoted from him, " Smua lelaki spatutnye tgk istri bersalin...baru la tau btapa besar pengorbanan istri tu... Yg penting, istri dan anak sy slamat..." Wah...best nye...best sgt if dapat a husband who really appreciate the wife...I'm hoping for one in the future, insya-Allah..hehehe :P doa byk2 k....

5. A lot of other small2 things that matter to me... Betapa penting nye nilai persahahabatn... Betapa tingginya nilai kejujuran... Betapa bermakna ny kasih sayang dalam hidup ini... But, let these all be memories, that i'll treasure for all my life :)


Btw, malam ni, my ward grup, (me, Jetul, Azi, Nizam, Syaify, Fadhil, Hazri) nak pegi makan2 kat santai...hehehe :) to celebrate the time we hv spent together at the ward...melalui susah senang bersama, dlm mengharungi kesukaran zaman O&G bersama2 :) hehehehe :) i'm looking forward for tonite....

Hehehe :)

Btw, i'm missing my family sooooooooooooo much...tak sabar nak balik umah after exam ni :)

But, yg penting, kena study rajin2 utk exam ni... Chiayoq!!!!

P/s: My motivator, awak tu dh terlebih pandai, bagi la kita kepandaian, serta kerajinan awak tu...hehehehe :) n, keep on being my motivator, k?

XOXO, Me, Study & strive for exam....

Why...oh why...?

Pernah tak terasa macam satu dunia ni sedang menghakimi kita..?
Pernah tak terasa mcm org lain sdg menghukum diri kita...?
Pernah tak terasa macam nak lari drpd dunia ni...atau pn jd invisible..?
So that takde org bole nampak kita...takde org bole jumpa kita...takde org bole tegur kita....?
Pernah tak terasa nak tinggalkan segala2nye...? Just give up everything...?
Pernah tak terasa macam takde sape pn yg bole faham diri ini ( except for mama...love u very2 much, mama)...

That's what i feel right now..............
That's what i feel right now.............
I'm helpless...living in this whole wide world....
I'm helpless and alone.....
Dont know what to do...
Dont know what to say....
Sedih sgt2...........sedih sgt2.............

Mama...
ayu rindu sgt2 pada mama...
ayu nak sgt2 mama ada dgn ayu skrg ni...
ayu nak sgt2 duk dgn mama skrg, coz ayu tau, cuma mama aje yg dpt faham ayu..
Cuma mama aje yg bole ubatkan hati ayu ni...
Cuma mama aje yg bole wat ayu kembali seperti sediakala...
Sbb hanya mama aje yg tau apa yg ayu rasa...
Sbb hanya mama aje yg tau cmne nk rawat hati ayu yg tak tenteram ini....

Lagu Jamal Abdillah ni really potrays what i feel right now........

Di dalam suasana indah ini
Dadaku menahan sedih pilu
Terkenang dikau tiada
Untuk bersama diriku
Sedang orang lain bergembira
Ku menumpang senyum di balik duka
Terbayang wajahmu di muka pintu
Bagai menyatakan sesuatu....
Apakah di saat ini
Ada rindu menyentuh hatimu
Bayangkan aku di sini
Menghulurkan salam untukmu
Maafkan segala-galanya
Keterlanjuran tak dilaku
Berderai airmata tak ku sedar
Mengenang kesilapan masa lalu
Di saat ini ku rasa insaf
Oh Tuhan ampunilah dosaku

XOXO, Me, Dont know what to think

Weekend oh weekend ku~

Arini mmg sgt best...hehe :) coz it started with sumthing yg sgt2 menarik...kenangan satu malam yg pnuh gelak ketawa...coz what happenend malam td mmg syok..Best sgt2...smpai tido pn kita asyik teringat kan apa yg berlaku malam td...hehehe :) tp, bak kata jetul mucuk, "rahsia......."
As for this morning, cm biasa la...bgn dgn penuh kebahagiaan slepas dpt berbual pjg dgn mama kat fon...then, pegi mkn lunch dgn nad...hehehe :) mulanye ajat ati nak mkn kat pak akub patin house....tp disebabkan kedai tu tutup, kami pergi la lunch kat sara thai...huhu ~
Then gi ECM lak dgn nad...jalan2 n shopping~ Best sgt :)
Tp, malam ni belum ada pape plan...nak ajak sape lak nk gi kuar makan dinner malam ni, eh..?
Hmm...nad dh bg green light nk kua makan malam...tp nak ajak kwn2 lain gak la... the more the merier, kn..? hehehe :)

Me, XOXO, rigth here waiting...

Pelangi..oh Pelangi ~

Saya sepatutnye membaca buku skrg, tp tak dpt tumpukan perhatian la...

Hmmm...knp eh...?? I think i know why...

Td tiba2 aje terdengar lagu "Pelangi Petang" by Def-Gab-C

(yg asalnye dinyayikan oleh Sudirman)..........

Ni liriknye~

Ku meniti awan yang kelabu...

Ku tempuhi lorong yang berliku...

Mencari sinar yang menerangi, kegelapanku...

Ku percaya pasti suatu masa...

Sang suria kan menyinar jua...

Membawa harapan yang menggunung, bersamanya...

Engkau tiba bagaikan pelangi...

Tak bercahaya namun kau berseri..

Tapi cukup menghiburkan, hati ini....

Seharian waktu bersamamu

Tak terasa saat yang berlalu

Bagai pelangi petang kau kan pasti, pergi jua...

Semua kata2 dlm lagu ni mmg betul, sgt tepat dlm menafsir perjalanan kita skrg ni....

Mmg sgt menusuk jiwa.........

Tak tau la nak ckp cmne dah, tp it suddenly comes to my mind,what we hv now is just like pelangi petang kan........

We hv fun together,we spend our time just to do silly things, but we really enjoy ourself......

Tp nnt, bila dah abis study, all these will be a history for us.......Huhu~

Sedihnye bila pikir that we just hv about 2 years left to b together.........

P/s :

I think i hv 'a pelangi petang'..sumone who's always there for me.......

Tp bila difikirkan semula,kita rasa sedih sgt2...tak tahu mcm mana nak buang kesedihan ni jauh2....

Sbb...

Nnt bila masanye sampai, mstilah dia akan kawin...kan?

Bila dia dah kawin of course la isteri dia takkan kasi kitaorg baik cm skrg...kan?

Even kita pn for sure akan menjauhkan diri dpd dia bila dia dh kawin,tkkan la kita nk jd penyibuk dlm rumahtangga org....

tp....who would be my motivator then...?

I dont think I cn find anyone better in such a limited time...

then, at that time, siapa akan ada di sisi kta, sprt dia slalu lakukan skrg...

So, bole tak kita nak wish..?

I wish for " Pelangi pagi,petang,siang,malam.."

Plz.....................

XOXO, Me, wishing for the rainbow..

A day of nothingness~

Hmm...smalam malam kita baru smpai Kuantan...bersama smangat yg berkobar2 utk menempuh kehidupan dlm posting O&G yg tgal bbrapa ari aje lg ni....dah recharge smula stelah spending the weekend with my family~
Tp arini....huhuhu..kekecewaan melanda semula...
Wahai posting O&G, adakah anda mmg ditakdirkan utk meruntun semangat ku...
adakah aku yg tak cukup kuat utk menempuh posting ini....
betapa payah nya buatku utk meneruskan langkah ini...
ditambah dgn rasa kekecewaan dan kesedihan....apa yg aku mampu lakukan lagi....
Takpelah, ada 2 minggu lagi...
Takpelah, ada byk masa lg....
Takpelah, ada peluang lagi....
Tapi buat hari ini, aku terasa aku telah kalah dgn prasaan sedih dan kecewa ini...setelah apa yg kuharapkan berjalan lancar, tak membuahkan hasil sperti yg aku idamkan.....
Mungkin esok adalah hari yg cerah buatku~