true!

shopping with mama

today is my off day..yeay!!!
a total one-whole-day off..
free from hectic life of hospital..
yeay!!
Yeay!!
and i spent the day shopping with mama..
hee..
mmg sgt membahagiakan..

mmg membalas dendam la...
dapat beli 3 pasang kasut..
haha..
seronok rasa nye..
and still rasa tak puas..
sbb dah ternampak satu handbag yg gorgeous..
macam xbole tido la termimpi2 si handbag tu..
tadi xbeli sbb konon nye nk bajet la..sbb dh 'terbeli' 3 pasang kasut sekaligus..
tp...
mcm kemaruk aje saya ni..
nampak nye, my next off day (which is after 2days post nite), i AM going to buy the gorgeous handbag!!haha

nampak nye tido dgn mimpi kan si handbag la malam ni....

sometimes i wonder...
why is it even in MY dream, i cant have the ending that i want...?

the dreams started as sumting nice..
suddenly he comes to my home..
get to know with everyone..
and he even tell me, he wants me to meet sumone..sumone important....
he asks the permission to bring me out,politely...
and i went out with him...

but then, he just dissappear..
lenyap, hilang, lesap........
and i dont know anything about him...
tak tau apa jadi padanya..
tiba2 je dia hilang....
dan terus hilang...
sedih sgt...
sbb xtau apa yg sbnr nye terjadi pd dia..
xtau apa yg berlaku pd dia...
sbb dia tiba2 hilang............................

and i do remember, how great i feel when he was around..and how bad it is when he goes missing....

and it is not a feeling that i want to feel in the reality...
betul..
mmg xbole rasa kan kehilangan itu...
though i know, i'm feeling it every second of everyday....

just me....

entah kenapa..
memang sgt2 rasa diri ni very sesak, semak sgt2 kepala otak yg bingung ni..

does it matter that at this age, i am still single...?
kawan2 keliling kebanyakan nye dah pergi towards another step in their life..
at least dah ada bakal suami..or tunang..
and banyak yg dah ada suami pun..
and some, dah ada anak pun..xpun, baby is on the way..
but me..?
hmmm..

dont think that this gonna affect me this much..
but bila asyik2 je org tanya, bila lagi..bila lagi..
haisyh...
kadang tu terfikir..
can i just tinggalkan semua nye dan lari ke tempat lain yg xde org kisah..?
cant i just be me...?

semua ni sgt membeban kan..
seriously...
especially me being anak sulung..
my sister dah ada calon nye pn..
tp, of course la kena wait for her kakak yg sgt L ni...
haisyh...

tp, what else can i do..?
i barely meet a man, let alone a single and available man...
hidup saya cuma berkisar sekitar rumah-hospital-rumah...

org cakap, kan banyak doktor2 kat hospital tu...
yelah!!..
all the guy doctors that i know...
either married..or engaged..or NON MUSLIM..
so...?

and should i change me just to make sure someone will like me...?
what the point of finding sumone who like the 'fake me'..?

entahla..
i am not perfect..
i know that...
i am full of flaws...
yes, i know that too..

tapi..plz..let me be just me...

Sometimes i feel like running away..

i dont think i like what i am doing now..

being a doctor is not fun, at all...

yes..it is not a FUN job..

but i thought, being a doctor means that i'll have chance to meet people, know them and help them all i can..
a BIG NO!!

being a doctor means dragging urself to go to hospital..
waiting to be scolded and kena sindir dgn sinis nye..
kena jerit2 tiap masa..
by ur specialists..by the staff nurses..and by the patients..

yup..
women giving birth are just not the same as other patients..
yes they are in severe pain..
but..being there with all the screaming and shouting just make me sick...
sick of being there..sick of doing my job...

everyday when i come back home, i am so tired and all i can do is sleep...
dont know why..
is it just me..?

entahla..

Who Is~ yup, that's right!!

Lirik lagu ni..
sila tukar kan 'she' kepada 'he'..maka bole la di-aplikasikan kepada saya..haha

Oh I was perfect

For the circus

If she dared me I'd do it

Love makes you stupid

I gave it up

But I guess it was not enough

'Cause she never seemed satisfied

Oooh I know I'm not perfect

But at the end of the day

Who is? Oooh

She wanted someone that's perfect

Okay

But can you tell me who is?

Oooh Ooh Oooh

Oooh Ooh Oooh

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bruno_mars/who_is.html ]

She set the bar

Just above the stars

A rocket couldn't reach it

but I still kept on reachin'

She watched me try

At least a thousand time

If she loved me she'd stop me but no

Oooh I know I'm not perfect

But at the end of the day

Who is? Oooh

She wanted someone that's perfect

Okay

But can you tell me who is?

I saw something worth my future

So wrong, so wrong

In my mind I was all it took

But I guess I wasn't wrong

Oooh I know I'm not perfect

But at the end of the day

Who is?

She wanted someone that's perfect

Okay

But can you tell me who is?

Oooh Ooh Oooh

Oooh Ooh Oooh

And the story goes on~