i was listening to the songs inside this lappy of abah..
alone at home..
i choose to be alone instead of being with my family yg pegi ke kenduri at my MakLong Burok house..
i dont know why, but lately, i am starting to feel like i dont want to be me..
i hate everything about me..(except my family, that i love the most..)
i hate going to hospital everyday..
i hate working in the hospital everyday..
i hate the fact that my life is a cycle of boredom - wakeup->siap2 gi kerja -> gi hospital -> wat am review -> wat round ngan MO n Specialist -> amik darah2 -> gi request ultrasound/ct scan urgent -> wat discharge summary -> amik darah2 lagi + pasang branula lagi.. ->clerk new admissions -> present cases with MO n Specialist -> amik darah2 lagi -> balik umah -> makan -> tido...

benci kan..?
langsung xde pape yg menyeronokkan..
seriously, i am becoming so stressed up with this routine..
i dont have a life!!
plz la..
cuti utk raya haji pn xdpt..
apatah lg kalau nk amik cuti di kala lain..
haiysh..
ntah la apa nk jadi kalau cmni....

and i am starting to distance myself from other people..
i know that..
but, ntah la..
feels like who am i to be with others..
a big gap of 'inadequacy' here..
rasa macam xlayak nk berada dgn org2 lain..

sbb dh rasa mcm hamba abdi je keja ari2 bagai nk rak..
hmm
ntah la...
feels like running away from this..
or maybe one day, i will..
when i have the courage to do so...