Aritu, i am the one yg kata, org tak sudi nk jmpa kta pn..
dtg sekejap, lgsg xsempat nk jmpa..

and now, the 2nd chance comes..
bila org dtg smula ke mari, utk 2 weeks..
dan i am the one finding all the excuses that i hv..night shift..penat..tak larat..jauh...
hmm..
kadang2 rasa, adakah kta yg mcm xbetul di sini..?
nampak mcm org dh dtg dekat, and i'm the one putting the distance..

seriously, maaf sgt..
kta sgt2 xtau nk wat apa..
kta tau kta yg xbetul kat sini..
kejap ckp cmtu, kejap ckp cmni..
seriously xdpt pikir dan plan elok2..
byk bnda dlm kpala ni..
tp, nampak mcm kta meng-ignore kan sumting yg slama ni kta asyik duk mintak..
dan a lot of things yg wat kta rasa terharu..sungguh..
sampai siap plan to come helping me during my night shift next week...
siap plan nk balik amik whitecoat smua la to help the hectic night shift of mine..
ohh.sape yg bole tak terharu kalau mcm tu..?
ntah la..
seriously kta sgt2 tak tau apa yg kta patut wat..
rasa mcm dh menyusah kan aje ni..

dan bila ada yg ckp nk wat MO disini
siap ada lakonan lg..if in 2 years time..
pasal MO kat hosp sana nk refer to MO hosp melaka,me..

ohh..sudden change of plan..are u for real or u r just playing around here...?
dan saya sgt2 tak tau apa nk wat ni sbenarnye..
sgt2 tak tau............................................................

what say u...?

Long ago, i wish to be here in my position right now..
finish my study and to become a doctor..
but now..i wish to go back to the time when everything is simple..
i can do whatever i want..and whenever i want..
i think working in my current ward is STRESSFULL
seriously
i have no friends to talk to
no one to share anything

and rasa macam ari2 kena kerja dgn terpaksa nye..
rasa langsung xikhlas..
hmm

dan saya nekad..
nak melakukan apa yg saya mau lakukan itu, sabtu ni...
doakan smoga xterjadi pape pd saya dgn tindakan nekad ini..

p/s: tindakan nekad ini bukanlah bermaksud kawin ye!!!haha

Birthday mama semalam :)

Yesterday was my mama birthday..
happy birthday mama muah muah..

semalam dpt off, dgn arini gak..
so, i am happy..
dpt duk umah dgn mama..

walaupun most of the time i spent it dgn tido dgn penuh nyenyak..
tp, at least, what i wish for, utk dpt cuti masa birthday mama, telah dimakbulkan..
smile smile smile..

disebabkan abah kerja..dakdik kerja and baby xberapa sihat, AGE, cian tgk my little pumpkin ni masa dia xsihat..
so, xde la dpt celebrate besar2an..
tp it was fun..

abah balik bawak kek scret recipe, the one that i know mama nak, chocolate chip walnut..
hehe..i am the only one in the fmily yg suka cheese cake, yg lain, for birthday, surely akan pilih kek selain cheese cake..ahaks..

then we went to eat at Windmill..lambchops n sirloin steak..si manja yg xsihat cuma makan spaghetti bolognaise..

tp, seronok sbb smua ada kat umah..
abah,mama,adik,ija,baby n me..

TO my beloved MAMA

Happy birthday mama
thanks a lot for being the best mother that one could ever dream of..
thanks for always being here for me..
the one that i know will always be by myside, through my darkest days and scariest nightmare..
the one that i turn to for everythinf..
for accepting me for myself..
not even once pun mama mengeluh walaupun anak mama sorg ni byk bunyik nye, byk karenah nye..

thanks a lot for loving me,endlessly..
my life is so wonderful for u r here with me..
my life is so meaningful for u r always here for me..
and i love u soooooo much..more than anything in this world..

sempena birthday mama, ayu doakan,
mama sihat slalu..
mama gembira slalu..
mama bahagia slalu..
smoga mama sntiasa tersenyum,
smoga mama sntiasa gembira..
smoga mama sntiasa dirahmati dan diberkati Allah..
smoga mama panjang umur, murah rezeki dan sihat stiap masa..

dan smoga ayu dpt membuat mama bahagia slalu, coz that's all i can do utk membalas smua jasa, dan pengorbanan mama utk ayu slama ni..

sayang mama sgt2..
muah muah :*

Pendam by Shahir~

tertengok video clip lagu ni masa baru balik kerja aritu..
terus jatuh cinta..
and kepada sesiapa yg mengalami apa yg dialami sperti lagu ini, silalah berusaha..
atau mungkin, pendam is the best choice that we have...kan..?

PENDAM SHAHIR

Aku yang mengejar bayang

Cinta kian terbiar

Terpendam kata tak terungkap selamanya

Pedihnya hanya aku yang merasa

Mahu memilikinya

Aku hanya hamba cinta

Bisik hatiku lepaskan dirinya

Sungguh aku tak bisa

Biarlah ku sendiri

Tanpa kasih di hati

Aku tak mampu pertahankan lagi

Cinta yang menyakiti

Biarlah aku pergi

Tiada hampa di hati

Pedihnya hanya aku yang merasa

Mahu memilikinya

Aku hanya hamba cinta

Bisik hatiku lepaskan dirinya

Sungguh aku tak bisa

Biarlah ku sendiri

Tanpa kasih di hati

Aku tak mampu pertahankan lagi

Cinta yang menyakiti

Biarlah aku pergi

Tiada hampa di hati

Aku yang mengejar bayang cinta

this day on the year of 2011

Hari ni lagi in the year of 2011..

eventhough i did nothing, no card, no cake, no present..
i managed to wish malam td pukul 1230 am, di kala saya night shift..
di kala ujan lebat giler..
di kala org sudah mau tido slepas keletihan seharian berkursus..hahaha..
kursus la sgt kan..malam2 duk karok aje..jeles ok..saya pn mau berkarok jugak!!!

so, here i am..
writing in my blog..
dedicating a birthday wish to yg birthday nye hari ni..

Happy birthday..
smoga slalu happy.
smoga slalu ceria..
smoga pjg umur, murah rezeki dan sihat slalu..
smoga sntiasa be urself, the one that i know dan the one yg sgt2 best..slalu wat klaka n slalu je ada idea bernas dlm smua keadaan...
smoga smua nye yg diidamkan will be yours..
smoga berjaya smpai jd colonel (mcm nama burger ayam kfc je kan..?hehe) la ye ;)

smoga sntiasa jd kawan yg best..sebest2nye mcm slalu..
yg slalu membaca bebelan2 pjg saya dlm sms..
yg slalu wat saya gelak guling2 cm slalu..
yg slalu ada when i am in need..

p/s: to org yg birthday nye arini, kalau nak adiah birthday, sila dtg claim k..haha..walaupun dh tau, jawapan nye ialah , "eh, xpayah la wada...susah kan wada aje.." ahaks :P

p/s2: ala, malam ni keja lagi..penat nye saya..uhu..

i was listening to the songs inside this lappy of abah..
alone at home..
i choose to be alone instead of being with my family yg pegi ke kenduri at my MakLong Burok house..
i dont know why, but lately, i am starting to feel like i dont want to be me..
i hate everything about me..(except my family, that i love the most..)
i hate going to hospital everyday..
i hate working in the hospital everyday..
i hate the fact that my life is a cycle of boredom - wakeup->siap2 gi kerja -> gi hospital -> wat am review -> wat round ngan MO n Specialist -> amik darah2 -> gi request ultrasound/ct scan urgent -> wat discharge summary -> amik darah2 lagi + pasang branula lagi.. ->clerk new admissions -> present cases with MO n Specialist -> amik darah2 lagi -> balik umah -> makan -> tido...

benci kan..?
langsung xde pape yg menyeronokkan..
seriously, i am becoming so stressed up with this routine..
i dont have a life!!
plz la..
cuti utk raya haji pn xdpt..
apatah lg kalau nk amik cuti di kala lain..
haiysh..
ntah la apa nk jadi kalau cmni....

and i am starting to distance myself from other people..
i know that..
but, ntah la..
feels like who am i to be with others..
a big gap of 'inadequacy' here..
rasa macam xlayak nk berada dgn org2 lain..

sbb dh rasa mcm hamba abdi je keja ari2 bagai nk rak..
hmm
ntah la...
feels like running away from this..
or maybe one day, i will..
when i have the courage to do so...

Aidiladha~

Selamat ari raya aidiladha..
Arini, saya bekerja..
esok pn saya bekerja..
walaupn ari ni ari raya..
saya xrasa pn mcm beraya..

bgn pg dgn bad mood nye..
rasa benci nk kerja..benci sgt2..

pegi kerja dgn bencinye..
smpai hospital, as usual,kena la keja walaupn hati rasa nk meletup..
jaga ward nephro yg ramai pt tu sorg diri..
ntah nape arini smua nye serba xkena..

benci..benci..benci....

ntah bila la nk hilang rasa benci ni..

benci..
benci..
benci...
sekian..
itu ini..smua nye

Dekat tapi jauh

faham x..?
haha..
mst smua xfaham kan...

betul..
benda ni la yg saya sdg alami..

dekat..
mmg dekat..
dlm negeri yg sama..dekat la kan..?
tp jauh..
jauh sgt...
mmg sgt jauh..
tak tercapai akal ku yg tak berapa panjang ni..
haha..

biarla..
lantak la..
malas nk pikir..
tak kuasa nk layan...

hmmm..
tp, recently, dh jd makin kebengong2an la saya ni..
nmpak seseorg, dpd jauh, and i was like..huh..???knp di sini..?
rupa nye saya silap org..
dh beli spec baru pn, bole xnampak lg ke..?
maksud nye............. .....................
kedai spec tu xbagus, wat spec yg tidak dpt membantu diri ku melihat dgn jelas..hahaha

selepas start shift system in medical,Hospital Melaka..

Has been a while since i write sumthing here..
i want to write more frequently, banyak benda yg berlegar2 dlm kpala ni...tp...slalu xsempat
haisyh..
starting from 31st oct 2011, at last, we in medical posting Hosp Melaka,started our shifts system for HO..
hmm..
what to say eh..
nampak best, sbb akan dpt off sekali seminggu..a confirm off, once per week akan dpt off..
tak perlu lagi merayu sana sini, smpai tpaksa mintak annual leave nk off sehari slpas kerja ngan EOD oncall..
tp yg xbest nye, a LOT OF WORKS to do.....
(yup yup, saya mmg suka komen itu ini)
haiysh haisyh..
dh nasib badan..
1st posting in medical..
keja bertimbun2 xpenah nk abis..
ari2 kena kejar nk wat kerja itu ini..

in medical..
ada 3 shifts for each ward..
1-7am to 7pm - 3 persons (sumtimes 2, bila ada yg off)
2-10am to 10pm -1HO
3- 9pm to 9am...1 HO

currently, saya tgh off..yeay!!!
for the past 3days, i am in shift 2..
for those in shift 2 and 3, in my ward, C4, starting from 5pm to 7am, kena cover A1 n A2
but, disebabkan C3 yg sepatutnye starting from 5pm to 7am, kena cover AG n A4, tiada HO shift 2..i have to cover all the blok A wards..
which is like PURE MADNESS!!
luckily i am off today...
kalau x, surely bole di admit ke wad PSy ;
yg kebetulannya kat C1 n C2 *kat bawah je dpd wad saya..---maksudnye,adakah dua2 ward psy ni sdg menunggu HO yg 'labile' sprt saya...? haha

saya suka membebel
saya suka complain ini itu..
saya suka marah2...
saya suka benci2 itu ini...

tp..
saya bersyukur dgn smua yg Allah kurniakan pd saya..
For my beloved parents and little sisters..
For the bounties that He gives to us..
For my friends who are always there for me...
and He always helps me, whenever i am in need..
and i'm so grateful for all these...
yes , i do..(though reading all my entries, mmg nampak mcm saya ni insan yg xbersyukur..haha)