Kenapa..

Tadi keluar makan lunch..
And was asked by my friend..
"Wada..kenapa xnak pegi wedding AJ nnt?"

Kta fly ke hong kong la on that day..

"Oooo.. eh..aritu wedding gee pun wada xnak pegi kan? Kenapa? Sombong la wada ni... best tau..jumpa geng2 semula.."

Eh..xla..masa wedding dia aritu kta balik melaka..ada wedding sedara mara kalau xsilap kta..

" ye ke..ke wada sombong? Sombong la awk ni...."

.....bukan sengaja kta xpegi..tp..mmg kta elak2 dpd pegi gathering or anywhere yg ada possibility terserempak dgn sumone yg kta xmau jumpa dah..
Coz.. i just cant accept it anymore..
Dah bertahun dah berlalu..tp..sakit nya masih sama..
Masih terasa perit nya...

P/s: after years.. and i dont know why.. tetiba semalam dia like my fb pic.. like whatttttt....😨😨😨

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Kisah Postcall

Post call 2 days ago..
And it was an experience of a life time..
I have been working for almost 5 years..
Many ups and downs..
Tears of joy and sorrow..
But my last oncall was one of a kind..

Bayangkan betapa cuak nya when a quite fine lady (a case of advance stomach cancer) suddenly collapse in front of your eyes..

She was fine few moments before that..
She even asked me if she can be discharged..

"Maaf puan.. sy xbole discharge kan puan lagi.. hemoglobin puan masih rendah (darah merah) dan nadi puan masih laju..menandakan puan masih perlukan blood transfusion
Kta cuba tgk esok camne ya.."

And true..she was discharged home the next morning..
But sadly.. discharged to the final destination for all human.. 😢

And..yang lebih membuatkan saya lebih terpikir tentang kehidupan..
Bila mana abang2 pesakit tersebut menerima dgn redha yg adik mereka meninggal tiba2..
Even the 2nd brother informed that he already knew that the sister is going..

And they thanked us both for attending their sister during her last breath..

Soalan pertama yg ditanya oleh abangnya..

"Dr..dia 'pergi' dgn senang ke..? Ada sesiapa sempat ajar dia mengucap ke di hujung hayatnya..?"

Sungguh..hanya mereka yg beragama yg mampu setenang itu menutur kata dalam berhadapan dgn kematian..

Dan..aku terasa betapa batunya hatiku ini di kala itu..

Ya Allah.. 😣

After years of no entry

Lepas bertahun tanpa apa2 entry..
Today i decided to start blogging..again..
about what? Just my ranting and chanting maybe..
Haha..
So..may the pic bring more energy to me..
Hidup x selalu nya happy..
Tapi.. kuasa Allah yg Maha Penyayang akan sentiasa buat kta bahagia.. InsyaAllah
😊😊

Princess ke kodok..?

Mom will always be mom..
She will think that her daughter is like a princess..
Walaupun aku rasa aku ni mcm kodok..
Haha

Ini kisahnya  ..
Mama tiba2 ckp..
"Akak nk x mama hantar 'application' pd budak yg mengurut Abah tu..? Baik tau..senyum aje bila nampak mama.. Putih pun putih.."

Aku senyum and say xnak...
"Ala..nak x..? Kalau nak mama bole cuba.."
Sambil mama senyum2 ada makna...
Haisyh..

Mama..mama..
Ayu ni bukan la puteri idaman..
Xkan punya la mamat tu nak syok kat Ayu..
Hahaha..
Ayu kan mcm kodok..
Duduk terlompat2 kat bawah tempurung.  Menggerutu and sooooo slimy...
Haha..

Pengalaman lalu mengajar..
Luka lama terlalu dalam utk disembuhkan...

And..
Hypothetically if...
If I said yes...
And his answer is no...?

Hahaha..
Xpela..
Biar la si kodok ni terus merenung sang bulan...
Sebab setinggi mana pun si kodok melompat, takkan pernah mampu mencapai sang bulan ~

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Esok oncall..huu

Esok oncall..
Tp saya masih xdpt tido..
Mata ngantok
Badan Penat..
Tp otak masih jauh melayang2 berfikir kan masalah negara..
Apa masalah nya..?
Malaysia kalah piala Thomas.. Sob sob..
Menonton dgn penuh debaran sejak dpd pukul 730..
Akhirnya. Malaysia tewas dgn jepun

Tp kalah bermaruah..
Berlawan habis2an hingga ke titisan peluh terakhir..
Hehehe..

So..
Kena tido..
Sbb esok oncall..
Haisyh..

P/s- bila baca whatsapp group 10th batch, haisyh..hati lg la bergoyang2...camne nak buat ni??ingat kan Dah lama lupakan dia... Huhu.. Kena stalk fb org lain kerap kot and have courage utk kenal org lain..kan?

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Esok oncall..huu

Esok oncall..
Tp saya masih xdpt tido..
Mata ngantok
Badan Penat..
Tp otak masih jauh melayang2 berfikir kan masalah negara..
Apa masalah nya..?
Malaysia kalah piala Thomas.. Sob sob..
Menonton dgn penuh debaran sejak dpd pukul 730..
Akhirnya. Malaysia tewas dgn jepun

Tp kalah bermaruah..
Berlawan habis2an hingga ke titisan peluh terakhir..
Hehehe..

So..
Kena tido..
Sbb esok oncall..
Haisyh..

P/s- bila baca whatsapp group 10th batch, haisyh..hati lg la bergoyang2...camne nak buat ni??ingat kan Dah lama lupakan dia... Huhu.. Kena stalk fb org lain kerap kot and have courage utk kenal org lain..kan?

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Today day 1

Ok..
Mulai arini..xmau cerita kisah sedih atau duka atau kenangan silam yg masih memburu..

Biar kan yg lepas jd kenangan..
Simpan diam2 dalam hati..

So..arini..khamis 24/4/2014

Day 1 utk aku berubah..
Haha..
Sbb dah lama sgt asyik berazam nk kurus.. Buat nye tidak
So..

Here we go..
Reasons..?
Banyak...
Tp yg paling utama..
Xmau dihidapi penyakit kronik di USIA muda belia sprti aku ini..
Ahaks..

Short term goal: wedding my kesygn, Mijah cyg..
Long term goal: ahem :p

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Years

It has been years..
Diulang..
Years..
Since all those memories btwn me n him..
But still..
Day in and day out..
I can only spell his name in my heart..

Stupid me..
Stupid me..

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Mencari

Lama xmenulis
Sbb malas

Tp arini rasa nak menulis
Sbb hati rasa tak tenang..
Entah kenapa rasa begini

Dan entah pada siapa harus kuluahkan
Xde siapa yg faham dan xkan ada siapa yg bole mendengar
Ntah la

If only I can run away
I just wanna run away
And forget everything and just be alone..

I don't want to think of anything
I don't want to care about anything
I just want to be alone...

If only I can do that..

Maybe I should ask for transfer..
Try to work in Sabah or Sarawak perhaps.

Just so I can just be alone..
And don't have to think of anyone else but me.

So that I can be as selfish as I want to...
Will try to do that...
Will consider of really doing that ..

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Di kala ini

Tak dpt tido
Sedangkan esok kerja

Banyak yg bermain di fikiran..
Masa depan..
Apa yg bakal berlaku..

Sedangkan esok masih belum pasti utk aku...

Selamat malam..
Kalau la bole kuucapkan slamat malam padanya..
Kalau la boleh..

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MH370

Kisah mh370
Suatu kehilangan yg belum ada kepastian..
Doakan yg terbaik utk semua yg berada dlm pesawat itu..

DOA dan terus berdoa utk MH370

:(

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It has been more than 2 years

2 years
And still I am the foolish one

Aku xpikir kn dia lgsg.
He doesn't matter at all

Tp I keep on having dreams about him

Penat
Letih
Sedih
Pedih

Penat nk kenang kisah lama
Letih menanti dia yg xpernah wujud dlm hidupku
Sedih sbb aku mensia-siakan jiwa raga hati dan perasaan utk dia
Pedih nya masih terasa...
Hingga kini

Di Kala sahabat2 lain Mula move on with their life..
Dah Mula ada pasangan...Suami..anak..anak-anak...

Aku??
Masih lagi si bodoh yg dduk di takuk lama..
Tiada apa yg aku ada
Tiada apa utk aku bangga..

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Kenangan

Was lying on my beloved katil
Mata khayal Nak tido..
Haha
Ayat mesti gaya ayat novel..

Tiba2...
Ting~
(Bunyi whatsapp masuk)

And the pic is the reason bunyi whatsapp tu..

Di Kala kenangan lama diimbau..
Oh..
How I miss all d memories in Melaka...

Sob sob :(

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Sentap..

Ni print screen dpd group whatsapp 10th batch UIA..

Dan mmg saya sgt terasa.
Bukan marah atau sakit ati..
Tp sedih...
Aku tau aku xperlu terasa apa2...
Tp....
Ntahla...

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Masih aku terasa...

It has been more than a year..
And I really feel that I have moved on..

But..
No..

Once in a while..
Out of nowhere...
I'll dream of him..
As if nothing happens and we r still as close as ever...
And when I wake up,i feel so depressed with myself..

I haven't been thinking of him dah lama dah..
Sejak dduk kat ED Hosp Melaka..
I managed to delete everything about him..in my mind..in my heart as well..

Tetapi..
Entah kenapa..
Bole termimpikan dia..
Dan semua nya rasa seperti suatu realiti..
Langsung bukan mimpi...

And I hate when this happen to me..

Coz the heartache is soooo unbearable..
If only I can cry out loud and say that he doesn't matter to me..
If only I can throw away my heart and just erase each and everything about him..

Sbb sejujurnya..
Saya sendiri mmg Dah selesa dgn hidup saya..
I have already come to the acceptance phase..
Now..
I don't mind being alone..
At least I know that I can take care of my parents...

Baik saya kerja bagai Nak giler..
Kumpul duit and bawak mama Abah makan sedap2..jalan2 tempat best2..
Dpd pikir mana nk cari lelaki...
Sbb saya tahu saya mampu hidup sendiri..

Bukan melawan ketentuan..
Tetapi saya Mula sedar..
Mungkin cinta bukan utk insan seperti saya yg serba kekurangan..

Tp...
Bila saya Mula termimpikan dia semula..
Saya Mula gelisah
Hati xmenentu...

Entahlah..
Mmg mimpi mainan tidur..
Tp kenapa perlu aku mimpi kan lelaki yg Dah kupadam namanya dpd kotak hati dan memori Ku ini..???

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