Entah kenapa...
Hati masih terasa sakit pedih terluka..
Tak pernah sebut langsung nama dia
Tak pernah langsung fikir pasal dia..
Tp..
Setiap hari masih terngiang2 suara dia.. nama dia sentiasa berlegar dlm minda..
Maka hati masih menangis setiap hari mengenangkan org yg dah lama membiarkan aku terkapai2 keseorangan di sini...
"Aku terima cintaku dipersiakan..
Aku kau lupa
Aku kau luka
Tanpa kau sedar..."
 |
| My beloved Abah Mama |
Happy birthday to Abah..the one man that i love the most in this whole wide world..
The one who is always there for me..
Masa susah susah for sure abah is the first one that i ask for help..
Abah tayar akak pecah..
Abah, akak xcukup duit..
Abah, tolong anta kan akak gi kerja...
Semuanya abah..
The one who will wait for me until i arrive safely at home..
He will wait for me setiap kali i go out doing locum..
Kadang2 sampai tertido kat sofa tunggu Ayu balik locum..
Pernah jugak abah tunggu2 tapi ayu xbalik2 walau dh lewat malam..rupanya Ayu oncall on that day..
The one who will say "ok" to all my sudden impulsive suggestions..
Abah, jom gi jalan sini.. Ok kak..
Abah, jom gi makan kat sana.. Ok kak..jom.
Abah,nnt kta buat mcm ni nak.. Ok kak..boleh..
The one who has sacrificed a lot for me and my sisters..
The one who always cheer me up..
The one and only man that i love..
Thanks a lot Abah ku syg..
I may not be the best daughter that Abah has..but i'm trying to..
But for sure, Abah is the best father that anyone can ask for..and for that i thank Allah each and everytime..
Ayu doakan Abah selalu sihat,selalu bahagia and selalu gembira..
Happy Birthday Abahku sayang😍😘😘😘😘
Bila bukak fb arini..
Nampak satu pic ni..
My heart skipped a beat..
And it arhythmically beats again..
There he was.
Standing tall..
With a smile...
Oh how i wonder if i did see the sparkles in his eyes?
The glitters which i usually found when i look into his eyes..
Oh how i miss all his laugh..n smile.. n his silly jokes...and his singing..
All the smiles that u can see from afar..
But all in all.
I can see that all his memories are fading..
I just miss him for the memories..
But i dont really miss him..
I dont know..
I miss him but i dont miss him..
"Kalau memang tiada jodoh..
Apa lagi nak ku heboh..
Aku malu pada teman..
Pada semua...
Rindu....
Rindu serindu rindunya
Namun engkau tak mengerti
Pilu....
Pilu sepilu pilunya..
Namun engkau tak peduli..
Mahu..
Semahu mahunya..
Namun apa daya..
Orang tak sudi.."
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Tadi keluar makan lunch..
And was asked by my friend..
"Wada..kenapa xnak pegi wedding AJ nnt?"
Kta fly ke hong kong la on that day..
"Oooo.. eh..aritu wedding gee pun wada xnak pegi kan? Kenapa? Sombong la wada ni... best tau..jumpa geng2 semula.."
Eh..xla..masa wedding dia aritu kta balik melaka..ada wedding sedara mara kalau xsilap kta..
" ye ke..ke wada sombong? Sombong la awk ni...."
.....bukan sengaja kta xpegi..tp..mmg kta elak2 dpd pegi gathering or anywhere yg ada possibility terserempak dgn sumone yg kta xmau jumpa dah..
Coz.. i just cant accept it anymore..
Dah bertahun dah berlalu..tp..sakit nya masih sama..
Masih terasa perit nya...
P/s: after years.. and i dont know why.. tetiba semalam dia like my fb pic.. like whatttttt....😨😨😨
Post call 2 days ago..
And it was an experience of a life time..
I have been working for almost 5 years..
Many ups and downs..
Tears of joy and sorrow..
But my last oncall was one of a kind..
Bayangkan betapa cuak nya when a quite fine lady (a case of advance stomach cancer) suddenly collapse in front of your eyes..
She was fine few moments before that..
She even asked me if she can be discharged..
"Maaf puan.. sy xbole discharge kan puan lagi.. hemoglobin puan masih rendah (darah merah) dan nadi puan masih laju..menandakan puan masih perlukan blood transfusion
Kta cuba tgk esok camne ya.."
And true..she was discharged home the next morning..
But sadly.. discharged to the final destination for all human.. 😢
And..yang lebih membuatkan saya lebih terpikir tentang kehidupan..
Bila mana abang2 pesakit tersebut menerima dgn redha yg adik mereka meninggal tiba2..
Even the 2nd brother informed that he already knew that the sister is going..
And they thanked us both for attending their sister during her last breath..
Soalan pertama yg ditanya oleh abangnya..
"Dr..dia 'pergi' dgn senang ke..? Ada sesiapa sempat ajar dia mengucap ke di hujung hayatnya..?"
Sungguh..hanya mereka yg beragama yg mampu setenang itu menutur kata dalam berhadapan dgn kematian..
Dan..aku terasa betapa batunya hatiku ini di kala itu..
Ya Allah.. 😣
Lepas bertahun tanpa apa2 entry..
Today i decided to start blogging..again..
about what? Just my ranting and chanting maybe..
Haha..
So..may the pic bring more energy to me..
Hidup x selalu nya happy..
Tapi.. kuasa Allah yg Maha Penyayang akan sentiasa buat kta bahagia.. InsyaAllah
😊😊
Mom will always be mom..
She will think that her daughter is like a princess..
Walaupun aku rasa aku ni mcm kodok..
Haha
Ini kisahnya ..
Mama tiba2 ckp..
"Akak nk x mama hantar 'application' pd budak yg mengurut Abah tu..? Baik tau..senyum aje bila nampak mama.. Putih pun putih.."
Aku senyum and say xnak...
"Ala..nak x..? Kalau nak mama bole cuba.."
Sambil mama senyum2 ada makna...
Haisyh..
Mama..mama..
Ayu ni bukan la puteri idaman..
Xkan punya la mamat tu nak syok kat Ayu..
Hahaha..
Ayu kan mcm kodok..
Duduk terlompat2 kat bawah tempurung. Menggerutu and sooooo slimy...
Haha..
Pengalaman lalu mengajar..
Luka lama terlalu dalam utk disembuhkan...
And..
Hypothetically if...
If I said yes...
And his answer is no...?
Hahaha..
Xpela..
Biar la si kodok ni terus merenung sang bulan...
Sebab setinggi mana pun si kodok melompat, takkan pernah mampu mencapai sang bulan ~
Esok oncall..
Tp saya masih xdpt tido..
Mata ngantok
Badan Penat..
Tp otak masih jauh melayang2 berfikir kan masalah negara..
Apa masalah nya..?
Malaysia kalah piala Thomas.. Sob sob..
Menonton dgn penuh debaran sejak dpd pukul 730..
Akhirnya. Malaysia tewas dgn jepun
Tp kalah bermaruah..
Berlawan habis2an hingga ke titisan peluh terakhir..
Hehehe..
So..
Kena tido..
Sbb esok oncall..
Haisyh..
P/s- bila baca whatsapp group 10th batch, haisyh..hati lg la bergoyang2...camne nak buat ni??ingat kan Dah lama lupakan dia... Huhu.. Kena stalk fb org lain kerap kot and have courage utk kenal org lain..kan?
Esok oncall..
Tp saya masih xdpt tido..
Mata ngantok
Badan Penat..
Tp otak masih jauh melayang2 berfikir kan masalah negara..
Apa masalah nya..?
Malaysia kalah piala Thomas.. Sob sob..
Menonton dgn penuh debaran sejak dpd pukul 730..
Akhirnya. Malaysia tewas dgn jepun
Tp kalah bermaruah..
Berlawan habis2an hingga ke titisan peluh terakhir..
Hehehe..
So..
Kena tido..
Sbb esok oncall..
Haisyh..
P/s- bila baca whatsapp group 10th batch, haisyh..hati lg la bergoyang2...camne nak buat ni??ingat kan Dah lama lupakan dia... Huhu.. Kena stalk fb org lain kerap kot and have courage utk kenal org lain..kan?
Ok..
Mulai arini..xmau cerita kisah sedih atau duka atau kenangan silam yg masih memburu..
Biar kan yg lepas jd kenangan..
Simpan diam2 dalam hati..
So..arini..khamis 24/4/2014
Day 1 utk aku berubah..
Haha..
Sbb dah lama sgt asyik berazam nk kurus.. Buat nye tidak
So..
Here we go..
Reasons..?
Banyak...
Tp yg paling utama..
Xmau dihidapi penyakit kronik di USIA muda belia sprti aku ini..
Ahaks..
Short term goal: wedding my kesygn, Mijah cyg..
Long term goal: ahem :p
It has been years..
Diulang..
Years..
Since all those memories btwn me n him..
But still..
Day in and day out..
I can only spell his name in my heart..
Stupid me..
Stupid me..
Lama xmenulis
Sbb malas
Tp arini rasa nak menulis
Sbb hati rasa tak tenang..
Entah kenapa rasa begini
Dan entah pada siapa harus kuluahkan
Xde siapa yg faham dan xkan ada siapa yg bole mendengar
Ntah la
If only I can run away
I just wanna run away
And forget everything and just be alone..
I don't want to think of anything
I don't want to care about anything
I just want to be alone...
If only I can do that..
Maybe I should ask for transfer..
Try to work in Sabah or Sarawak perhaps.
Just so I can just be alone..
And don't have to think of anyone else but me.
So that I can be as selfish as I want to...
Will try to do that...
Will consider of really doing that ..
Tak dpt tido
Sedangkan esok kerja
Banyak yg bermain di fikiran..
Masa depan..
Apa yg bakal berlaku..
Sedangkan esok masih belum pasti utk aku...
Selamat malam..
Kalau la bole kuucapkan slamat malam padanya..
Kalau la boleh..
Kisah mh370
Suatu kehilangan yg belum ada kepastian..
Doakan yg terbaik utk semua yg berada dlm pesawat itu..
DOA dan terus berdoa utk MH370
:(
2 years
And still I am the foolish one
Aku xpikir kn dia lgsg.
He doesn't matter at all
Tp I keep on having dreams about him
Penat
Letih
Sedih
Pedih
Penat nk kenang kisah lama
Letih menanti dia yg xpernah wujud dlm hidupku
Sedih sbb aku mensia-siakan jiwa raga hati dan perasaan utk dia
Pedih nya masih terasa...
Hingga kini
Di Kala sahabat2 lain Mula move on with their life..
Dah Mula ada pasangan...Suami..anak..anak-anak...
Aku??
Masih lagi si bodoh yg dduk di takuk lama..
Tiada apa yg aku ada
Tiada apa utk aku bangga..
