I am really speechless

Arini.. 25 july 2016..

Arini i am off sbb abah punya appointment kat HPJ..
After sending abah and mama and baby to HPJ.. i directly go to BSN putrajaya..
Hajat hati nak bayar duit kereta..
Tapi.. my ATM tu dah xdapat diterima oleh mana2 machine atm..
Gerammm..
So here i am..in Bank Islam cyberjaya..
Tunggu nak buat kad atm baru..hehe..
Why cyberjaya..?
Senang parking 
Tak ramai org..
Hehehe..

Tp.. sebenarnya..
Ada citer nak tulis..
Tp tiba2 malas..
So..later la ya

Posted via Blogaway

Two times

23rd July 2016..
Saturday..

I started my day with locum..
My locum was for morning and evening shift..

And..
Around 11am..i read in FB..
Didi's mother is not doing good..
She was in ED and was intubated.

I tried to call him but it went to voicemail..

As patients keep on coming..
I didnt manage to contact him again..
I did sent a message saying that if he needs someone to talk to..he can call me..

And he called..
But i didnt noticed..due to too many came to the clinic at that time..
During lunch break..i noticed his missed call..
So i called him back..

He was crying...

And this is the second time a guy cried to me while talking to me..

I cried silently over the phone..
Tears running down my cheeks..

I just say yess..hmmm..yess...
I dont really know what to say..
And it really breaks my heart to listen to his sad sad story of his mom...

I eventually managed to go and meet him after dinner with makcu and d family..

And he was in super sad condition..
And i feel so bad for him..

What could i do to ease his pain?
Pray and pray and keep on praying for d best..
For him..for his family..
Especially for his mother...


Why do i wrote this down..?

Coz he is not the first guy who cried to me..

The first one was a guy back in 4th year medical student..
During which he failed his community medicine posting.. due to attitude problem..

He called me..
And cried..
And cried..
And he told me this..
"Dah lepas ni wada jangan cari "saya" lagi..
"Saya" tak tau mcm mana bole jadi mcm ni..

I also cried at that time..
For i was the fool..who thought that we would have a chance to stay together till forever..

It really broke my heart at that time that he was so sad that he was planning to run away and stop studying in malaysia..

But eventually both of us managed to pass our exam and each of us has MBBS now..

And today..
I saw him again..
After being the stupid girl for the past few years..
In PPUM..while visiting Didi..

And my heart shattered for the thousandth times..

Posted via Blogaway

Where is my jong kook..?😢

Sekarang makin kerap tgk jihyo-jong kook..
Kenapa..?
Pernah dengar angau..?
Of coz.. sbb angau kan kisah cinta diorg berdua..
No other reason..

Hmmm..
Tp yg lebih utama..
Coz i really really really hope to find my own jong kook..

At one point of my life.. i felt that i already found him..
But then..he just left me alone..

But..whenever i watch jong kook..and ji hyo..
I would be reminded of him..and our past memories..
And day by day..
My conclusion is.. love is never for me..ever

Posted via Blogaway

Satu hari di hari raya

Ke hadapan sang kapten di sana..

Dari hari ke hari
Minggu ke minggu
Bulan ke bulan
Bahkan sekarang setelah bertahun-tahun..

Telah sedaya upaya kta usahakan utk lupakan anda..
Lenyapkan nama anda..
Padamkan number anda..
Buangkan smua nota2 yg kta tulis kisah anda..
Campak jauh2 smua kenangan dgn anda..

Tapi..
Payahnya nak hilangkan anda dpd minda ni..
Tuhan sahaja yg tahu..

Tanya la bila kali terakhir nama anda terlintas dlm fikiran kta..
Tanya la bila kali terakhir kisah anda terbayang di mata kta..

Dan dgn senangnya anda hantar kan mesej mcmtu..
Copy paste..letak nama kta..then send pd kta..
Just like that..

Kta rasa..
Awak takkan dpt anyone that can love u as much as i do..as i always do..
And i am so sorry..
I just cant forget u..

All these feelings..

Setiap tahun awk anta mesej mcm ni..
And setiap tahun kta akan ckp benda yg sama..
Maaf zahir batin..
I really do mean all that..
Tp setiap tahun when u do like this..
My heart will start to bleed again..
And it is all my fault..
Sbb awk mmg dh mntk maaf setiap tahun..
Dah kta mmg dh maafkan setiap tahun..

Dan utk kesekian kalinya..

Kta rasa..
Awk tak perlu anta apa2 mesej pd kta dah..
I do appreciate it..
But u just make me sad again..
And i dont really need to be sad like this..
Coz hari ni kan raya..


Ke hadapan sang kapten di sana..

Smoga awk bahagia di hari raya..
Selamat menyambut aidilfitri..
Maaf zahir dan batin..

And..
Please..
Lets both of us just move on..

Slamat berkhidmat pd negara bangsa dan agama..

Thanks for all these heartache and tears and sleepless nights..
I have already forgiven u years ago..
But i just want u to know..
I dont really want to know anything about u ever again..

Posted via Blogaway

My Little Baby sister

Cuba baca my baby sis tulis caption apa pd IG dia..
Bole pulak si combi ni tanya camtu..? 😁

Funny bunny kan dia ni sorg..

Baby..
Of course la kakak syg adik2nya
Lagi lak kalau adik tu baik..comel.. rajin..bijak..suka menolong..xpernah berkira... cheeky lak tu..

Sape tak syg kalau tiap2 malam bila balik locum dia masih tunggu kat depan umah ( with my beloved mama abah as well)..

Lagi tambah terharu..for sure ada masakan/makanan yg dia siap2 prepare utk kakak dia yg selalu kecapekan diasak patients yg melambak masa locum..haha

Tu tak kira lagi macam2 benda kecik2 yg dia slalu buat utk kakak dia yg malas ni..
Haha..

Sayang..
Of course la kakyu syg awk sgt2..
If only i have everything in d world.. i would give everything and anything for u..
Love u always n forever..

Muahhhh..

-bebelan kakak malas-

Posted via Blogaway

Dugaan 1st Ramadhan

Stressnya arini..
dah la dtg lambat..
hampir nak terlanggar dgn kereta big boss sbb nk keluar simpang cepat2..
parking dh penuh sbb ada raptai arini utk kedatangan permaisuri esok..
then main parking je tepi kereta org.. tp lepas tu kena tegur ngan pak guard pulak sbb parking tempat larangan.. then dia suruh parking tepi tong sampah.. tp kalau apa2..kena alihkan kereta..😭😭

Posted via Blogaway

Kisah Maklong yg excited

Excited nau la iolzz kan..
Shopping baju utk baby qu secara online je..
Hehehe

Posted via Blogaway

Kenapa saya suka Kim Jong Kook

As the title said..
The reason i wrote this is to tell myself..
The main reason why i like this kim jong kook guy in running man..
Is that he reminds me of u..

Of course..both of u r different physically..
He is all muscled up,tough and all buffed..
While u r tall and lean and slim..
But..
Both of u r the same..

He smiles for all the reasons that would make u smile..
He is loud..and truthfull..
His words can be hurtful at times but his meanings are all well..
Just like u..

He loves sports and is proud of it..
Same like u..

Most of all, though exteriorly he is so tough.. he has the softest heart..he can be so caring and tender and loving to the one that he wants to..
He does not say it loud but his actions speaks louder than his voice..
And it echoes a million miles away..
Similar as u..

And thus..
Each time when i watch running man..
Each time when i see kim jong kook..
I am actually seeing you..
Each and everytime..

Though u r so far away..
Just to let u know..
U r never far away from my heart..

Though i am nothing to u..
U mean a million years to me..
And to you, my heart sank...

"It matters how this ends..
What if i never love again..."

And till today,i never love again...



Posted via Blogaway

Funny

Funny funny..

Sehari di dalam ward..

Patient is on regular aq morphine 4H and PRN..
Still complains of pain..
Requesting more and more painkiller..
So.. i add on t.ibuprofen as well..
After half an hour.. pt was walking in the ward..

Staff nurse: uncle..uncle mau pegi mana..?
Patient: jalan2 ward..
Staff nurse: uncle jangan jalan banyak2.. nnt makin sakit..
Patient: sudah makan ubat..sudah takde sakit..makan ubat banyak kuat..

Doctor tergelak sorang2.. hehehe..ibuprofen lagi kuat daripada morphine rupanya..hihihi 😅😅😅

Posted via Blogaway

Kenapa masih begini..

Entah kenapa...
Hati masih terasa sakit pedih terluka..
Tak pernah sebut langsung nama dia
Tak pernah langsung fikir pasal dia..
Tp..
Setiap hari masih terngiang2 suara dia.. nama dia sentiasa berlegar dlm minda..

Maka hati masih menangis setiap hari mengenangkan org yg dah lama membiarkan aku terkapai2 keseorangan di sini...

"Aku terima cintaku dipersiakan..
Aku kau lupa
Aku kau luka
Tanpa kau sedar..."

Posted via Blogaway

Happy Birthday Abah

My beloved Abah Mama

Happy birthday to Abah..the one man that i love the most in this whole wide world..

The one who is always there for me..
Masa susah susah for sure abah is the first one that i ask for help..
Abah tayar akak pecah..
Abah, akak xcukup duit..
Abah, tolong anta kan akak gi kerja...
Semuanya abah..

The one who will wait for me until i arrive safely at home..
He will wait for me setiap kali i go out doing locum..
Kadang2 sampai tertido kat sofa tunggu Ayu balik locum..
Pernah jugak abah tunggu2 tapi ayu xbalik2 walau dh lewat malam..rupanya Ayu oncall on that day..

The one who will say "ok" to all my sudden impulsive suggestions..
Abah, jom gi jalan sini.. Ok kak..
Abah, jom gi makan kat sana.. Ok kak..jom.
Abah,nnt kta buat mcm ni nak.. Ok kak..boleh..

The one who has sacrificed a lot for me and my sisters..

The one who always cheer me up..

The one and only man that i love..

Thanks a lot Abah ku syg..

I may not be the best daughter that Abah has..but i'm trying to..
But for sure, Abah is the best father that anyone can ask for..and for that i thank Allah each and everytime..

Ayu doakan Abah selalu sihat,selalu bahagia and selalu gembira..

Happy Birthday Abahku sayang😍😘😘😘😘

Posted via Blogaway

Kenangan silam

Bila bukak fb arini..
Nampak satu pic ni..

My heart skipped a beat..
And it arhythmically beats again..

There he was. 
Standing tall..
With a smile...
Oh how i wonder if i did see the sparkles in his eyes?
The glitters which i usually found when i look into his eyes..

Oh how i miss all his laugh..n smile.. n his silly jokes...and his singing..

All the smiles that u can see from afar..

But all in all.
I can see that all his memories are fading..
I just miss him for the memories..
But i dont really miss him..
I dont know..
I miss him but i dont miss him..

"Kalau memang tiada jodoh..
Apa lagi nak ku heboh..
Aku malu pada teman..
Pada semua...
Rindu....
Rindu serindu rindunya
Namun engkau tak mengerti
Pilu....
Pilu sepilu pilunya..
Namun engkau tak peduli..
Mahu..
Semahu mahunya..
Namun apa daya..
Orang tak sudi.."



Posted via Blogaway

Kenapa..

Tadi keluar makan lunch..
And was asked by my friend..
"Wada..kenapa xnak pegi wedding AJ nnt?"

Kta fly ke hong kong la on that day..

"Oooo.. eh..aritu wedding gee pun wada xnak pegi kan? Kenapa? Sombong la wada ni... best tau..jumpa geng2 semula.."

Eh..xla..masa wedding dia aritu kta balik melaka..ada wedding sedara mara kalau xsilap kta..

" ye ke..ke wada sombong? Sombong la awk ni...."

.....bukan sengaja kta xpegi..tp..mmg kta elak2 dpd pegi gathering or anywhere yg ada possibility terserempak dgn sumone yg kta xmau jumpa dah..
Coz.. i just cant accept it anymore..
Dah bertahun dah berlalu..tp..sakit nya masih sama..
Masih terasa perit nya...

P/s: after years.. and i dont know why.. tetiba semalam dia like my fb pic.. like whatttttt....😨😨😨

Posted via Blogaway

Kisah Postcall

Post call 2 days ago..
And it was an experience of a life time..
I have been working for almost 5 years..
Many ups and downs..
Tears of joy and sorrow..
But my last oncall was one of a kind..

Bayangkan betapa cuak nya when a quite fine lady (a case of advance stomach cancer) suddenly collapse in front of your eyes..

She was fine few moments before that..
She even asked me if she can be discharged..

"Maaf puan.. sy xbole discharge kan puan lagi.. hemoglobin puan masih rendah (darah merah) dan nadi puan masih laju..menandakan puan masih perlukan blood transfusion
Kta cuba tgk esok camne ya.."

And true..she was discharged home the next morning..
But sadly.. discharged to the final destination for all human.. 😢

And..yang lebih membuatkan saya lebih terpikir tentang kehidupan..
Bila mana abang2 pesakit tersebut menerima dgn redha yg adik mereka meninggal tiba2..
Even the 2nd brother informed that he already knew that the sister is going..

And they thanked us both for attending their sister during her last breath..

Soalan pertama yg ditanya oleh abangnya..

"Dr..dia 'pergi' dgn senang ke..? Ada sesiapa sempat ajar dia mengucap ke di hujung hayatnya..?"

Sungguh..hanya mereka yg beragama yg mampu setenang itu menutur kata dalam berhadapan dgn kematian..

Dan..aku terasa betapa batunya hatiku ini di kala itu..

Ya Allah.. 😣

After years of no entry

Lepas bertahun tanpa apa2 entry..
Today i decided to start blogging..again..
about what? Just my ranting and chanting maybe..
Haha..
So..may the pic bring more energy to me..
Hidup x selalu nya happy..
Tapi.. kuasa Allah yg Maha Penyayang akan sentiasa buat kta bahagia.. InsyaAllah
😊😊