I am speechless again

Today is day 2 for Didi to be alone without his beloved mother..

As usual..me being busybody

I called him everyday..
Tapi mmg sekali je la sehari..
Haha..
Kalau call selalu sgt.. nanti kelihatan terlalu pelik di situ..

But..
As he is such a good friend to me..and being a good person himself..and not to mention that he has done the very best for his mother too,
What ever that he feels really do affect me as well..

Bayangkan la..
Kalau selalu telefon sure kta akan gelak2 besar kalau ckp dgn dia..
Mmg gelak besar yg tak agak2 ok..
We have been friends for quite some time..so.. mmg gelak tak agak2 tau kalau ckp2 dgn dia..
But now..
Every word that he says.. it will quiver..
U can even the shattered pieces of his heart..

Didi..
Tabah la ya..
Ari ari kta doakan awk..
Smoga awk tabah
Smoga awk kuat..
InsyaAllah mama awak tenang kat sana..
Dengan anak sebaik awk...
Yang akan selalu bekalkan dia dgn doa2 awk yang tak putus2 tu..
Bertahan didi..

And to listen to your voice everyday really is not easy..
Coz while listening to u..my heart cries as well..

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I am really speechless

Arini.. 25 july 2016..

Arini i am off sbb abah punya appointment kat HPJ..
After sending abah and mama and baby to HPJ.. i directly go to BSN putrajaya..
Hajat hati nak bayar duit kereta..
Tapi.. my ATM tu dah xdapat diterima oleh mana2 machine atm..
Gerammm..
So here i am..in Bank Islam cyberjaya..
Tunggu nak buat kad atm baru..hehe..
Why cyberjaya..?
Senang parking 
Tak ramai org..
Hehehe..

Tp.. sebenarnya..
Ada citer nak tulis..
Tp tiba2 malas..
So..later la ya

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Two times

23rd July 2016..
Saturday..

I started my day with locum..
My locum was for morning and evening shift..

And..
Around 11am..i read in FB..
Didi's mother is not doing good..
She was in ED and was intubated.

I tried to call him but it went to voicemail..

As patients keep on coming..
I didnt manage to contact him again..
I did sent a message saying that if he needs someone to talk to..he can call me..

And he called..
But i didnt noticed..due to too many came to the clinic at that time..
During lunch break..i noticed his missed call..
So i called him back..

He was crying...

And this is the second time a guy cried to me while talking to me..

I cried silently over the phone..
Tears running down my cheeks..

I just say yess..hmmm..yess...
I dont really know what to say..
And it really breaks my heart to listen to his sad sad story of his mom...

I eventually managed to go and meet him after dinner with makcu and d family..

And he was in super sad condition..
And i feel so bad for him..

What could i do to ease his pain?
Pray and pray and keep on praying for d best..
For him..for his family..
Especially for his mother...


Why do i wrote this down..?

Coz he is not the first guy who cried to me..

The first one was a guy back in 4th year medical student..
During which he failed his community medicine posting.. due to attitude problem..

He called me..
And cried..
And cried..
And he told me this..
"Dah lepas ni wada jangan cari "saya" lagi..
"Saya" tak tau mcm mana bole jadi mcm ni..

I also cried at that time..
For i was the fool..who thought that we would have a chance to stay together till forever..

It really broke my heart at that time that he was so sad that he was planning to run away and stop studying in malaysia..

But eventually both of us managed to pass our exam and each of us has MBBS now..

And today..
I saw him again..
After being the stupid girl for the past few years..
In PPUM..while visiting Didi..

And my heart shattered for the thousandth times..

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Where is my jong kook..?😢

Sekarang makin kerap tgk jihyo-jong kook..
Kenapa..?
Pernah dengar angau..?
Of coz.. sbb angau kan kisah cinta diorg berdua..
No other reason..

Hmmm..
Tp yg lebih utama..
Coz i really really really hope to find my own jong kook..

At one point of my life.. i felt that i already found him..
But then..he just left me alone..

But..whenever i watch jong kook..and ji hyo..
I would be reminded of him..and our past memories..
And day by day..
My conclusion is.. love is never for me..ever

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Satu hari di hari raya

Ke hadapan sang kapten di sana..

Dari hari ke hari
Minggu ke minggu
Bulan ke bulan
Bahkan sekarang setelah bertahun-tahun..

Telah sedaya upaya kta usahakan utk lupakan anda..
Lenyapkan nama anda..
Padamkan number anda..
Buangkan smua nota2 yg kta tulis kisah anda..
Campak jauh2 smua kenangan dgn anda..

Tapi..
Payahnya nak hilangkan anda dpd minda ni..
Tuhan sahaja yg tahu..

Tanya la bila kali terakhir nama anda terlintas dlm fikiran kta..
Tanya la bila kali terakhir kisah anda terbayang di mata kta..

Dan dgn senangnya anda hantar kan mesej mcmtu..
Copy paste..letak nama kta..then send pd kta..
Just like that..

Kta rasa..
Awak takkan dpt anyone that can love u as much as i do..as i always do..
And i am so sorry..
I just cant forget u..

All these feelings..

Setiap tahun awk anta mesej mcm ni..
And setiap tahun kta akan ckp benda yg sama..
Maaf zahir batin..
I really do mean all that..
Tp setiap tahun when u do like this..
My heart will start to bleed again..
And it is all my fault..
Sbb awk mmg dh mntk maaf setiap tahun..
Dah kta mmg dh maafkan setiap tahun..

Dan utk kesekian kalinya..

Kta rasa..
Awk tak perlu anta apa2 mesej pd kta dah..
I do appreciate it..
But u just make me sad again..
And i dont really need to be sad like this..
Coz hari ni kan raya..


Ke hadapan sang kapten di sana..

Smoga awk bahagia di hari raya..
Selamat menyambut aidilfitri..
Maaf zahir dan batin..

And..
Please..
Lets both of us just move on..

Slamat berkhidmat pd negara bangsa dan agama..

Thanks for all these heartache and tears and sleepless nights..
I have already forgiven u years ago..
But i just want u to know..
I dont really want to know anything about u ever again..

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